Perfectionism & Week's Workouts

Monday  4 rounds: 3 DL 135lb , run 200m, 7 65lb OHS, run 200m = 11:37
This was supposed to be an AMRAP wod, however, my ever so sensitive lower back was not responding very well to it. For the sake of making an injury that much worse it was capped at 4 rounds.  Thanks, Brian, for helping me pull the plug on my ego.
Victory of Monday was the 1st jumping muscle up - woohoo! 
Tuesday  5 rounds: 35 double unders, 50 mountain climbers, 200m run = 23:30
This was torture of my own creation... I ran through it with a friend on my lunch break.  Double unders are my nemesis.  But the only way to get better at double unders is to do more double unders. 
Wednesday   Hang Power Snatch Practice: 45, 65, 75, 85, 90 lbs(fail!) rounds: static hold 30 sec each: handstand (assisted by a wall), squat, Lsit, chin over bar =  we didn't keep total running time, but stopped time every time the hold was lost.  One of Wed's victories was 10 jumping muscle ups!
Thursday 100 burpees for time = 8:50 
Friday  Helen (3 rounds: 400m run, 21 KBswings 35lb, 12 pullups) = 9:31
I hate Helen.  Last time I did this wod I had an asthmatic break down afterward and was sick for a week. (Amanda did too so I think it was something in the air.)
Despite whatever was in the air that day, I hit a PR of 9:43 with 53lb.
I really didn't dare try 53lb this week with my back as jacked as it's been. 
Saturday  Feeling a bit alone and lacking any motivation to do anything. I took advantage of the fact that I really didn't have to do anything and stayed in my PJ's until 5pm, at which time I ventured down to the rings for some muscle up practice, dips, Lsits, and roll throughs.   It's hard stuff. I can't do it for long so it's good to get ring work in warm ups as often as possible.  
Sunday Rest Day 2  brief handstand pushup practice (REALLY need help here) and some stretching

Perfectionism can be a strength... it can keep me pushing and striving and doing noteworthy, or at least some what inspiring, things.  However, I have the sense that it is not true balance, health, life, freedom - the things I want. I know my own perfectionism is one of my worst enemies - covering up the shame of just not being enough. I HAVE to get over that, and this is part of the journey.

I was really annoyed that on the 2 workouts this week that I have records for, I didn't set a new personal record - it was silly, I know.  I've been at this for over a year and a half; my improvements are going to be subtle and my records harder for me to break.
Not to mention that there are a lot of factors that go into performance at any given time: diet, fatigue, injury, immune strength, wardrobe, distractions, more competition, hormones, the mental game...  Some days I don't bring my 'A' game, because I'm just tired.

I remember reading an article in the crossfit journal that listed the top 10 mistakes of crossfit athletes. One of them (and it may have been #1) is not resting. I rest, but maybe not as effectively as I could. The article seemed to promote taking a week every now and then where you take it easy... not do nothing, but lighten the load for a full week, scale back... as a proactive movement towards long term improvement (AVOID BURNOUT).
I don't get this message very well.  It's really hard for me to put my ego aside. So I stay set back longer than maybe I would have to, if I would pull back BEFORE i get injured.

In my pride and vanity, the awareness of my limitations frustrates and defeats me. I see all too easily the times I didn't, couldn't, shouldn't have, and I dismiss the things I could and did!

I hope that my performance curve looks something like this (and I just hope that I'm on one of the peaks when it counts).

Yes, there are set backs and down times, but I come back stronger and I'm always moving in a positive direction because I won't be defeated and I won't give up.  I may call a retreat from a battle, but the war is far from over.