Introducing CrossFit Purged

“You cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore.”
– William Faulkner

It’s hard to believe it’s been over 5 years since I found CrossFit and it quickly won my commitment, passion, and love.  Four years ago I started dreaming of living CrossFit full time - opening a box, helping others accomplish new and incredible feats, and nurturing a community of people dedicated to becoming the best they can be.

Some one else shared that dream… though I hadn’t met him yet.  It’s been exactly 2 years since I met Christopher Sheets at the SoCal CrossFit Regionals and in those two short years our lives have been turned upside down in the most amazing ways.

In two years, we met, romanced, exchanged vows, changed jobs, traveled, had two car accidents, endured injury, started brewing a baby, and opened a business together. 

Here we are: Team Sheets is at the helm of CrossFit Purged!

(I know there’s no excuse for a neglected blog, but those are my excuses!)

In the 8 short weeks that our doors have been open, we have poured our hearts, energy, and time into building not just a fitness program, but a community and a place where people can feel at home.  A place they can face their fears and limitations and persevere to overcome them.  A place where they can blow off steam, where they can find camaraderie as they work together, sweat together, and yes, sometimes even bleed together setting new personal records.  

We have been honored and grateful for the amazing people that have come our way, that have supported us and been on the ground floor of creating this new and empowering community.  We love you all and are so excited to see the positive changes in your lives as you make the time, put in the effort, and choose not to settle for just skating by, but to show up each day and give your best… whatever that happens to be at that point in time.  You are destined for greatness and we are thrilled to be a part of the journey.

The changes of the last two years moved me away from the competition floor. Maybe I will return there one day … If I’ve learned anything from CrossFit it’s that you’re never too old and it’s never too late to follow your passions.   In this time, here and now, I have a different dream.  I am so honored to have the gift of growing a new life, to pursue being a fit mama, living well, and living (I hope) as an inspiration and example in different ways.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to coach, to have been mentored and now share with others knowledge gained over the last five years.  Thank you CrossFit Purged for giving me that opportunity. 

Taking the step to open our own CrossFit affiliate did not come without lots of questions, fears, delays, and unknowns.    About that, well Kirkegaard says it best,

“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.”

And so, Dear Husband and I are finding ourselves, our new life, and our future in this endeavor.  Life is nothing if not an adventure! If it were something other than an adventure, though the security might be comforting, it would come at the cost of apathy and a dull spirit.  Thank you again to all the adventurers out there, to those seizing the opportunities every day brings for you.  You are our inspiration.

The doors of CrossFit Purged are always open to you!  Stop on by!

More Training Power & Food for the Heart

I totally sing this out at the top of my lungs in my car

as I drive to the gym.

Sometimes you need a more beautiful than fierce motivation!

In my car, by myself, I totally sound like Whitney Houston.

Let it Count.

" When is the last time you wrote down all the things that you are proud of, that you've overcome, that you once couldn't do but now you can? "

Dawn Fletcher, inspirational coach extraordinaire, posed this question maybe a week or two ago, and I had to admit to myself it's been MONTHS at least.

I don't take enough time to count my blessings and let myself be proud of what I've done...
This is a tough exercise for me. I so often dismiss the victories almost as soon as they come, but I'm going to own it! 

1) I have been busting my butt in training. And almost everyday I think of how much more I need to do and how much deeper I need to dig if I'm going to do this.  And I've spent more time being discouraged that my max efforts are not where I want them, over being grateful that I get to workout every day. But you know, I AM proud that I am pouring my heart into my dreams and doing the work. I am giving my all, no matter how "my all" varies from day to day.

2) I have made gains in all my lifts pretty much weekly. I've never back squatted 220 for 3x3 or deadlifted 225 for 3x5 or deadlifted 260 for 2 reps. I'm pushing new limits. I'm proud of that.

3) I'm making room for a relationship in my life. Opening my heart to let myself be loved.  Working to be honest and open. This is a big "overcome" for me.  Another great step towards a goal I sort of stopped pursuing or believing was attainable.  I'm proud of that. and grateful.

4) Last month I visited my family.  A place where boundaries barely exist and structure has long been out of reach.  But this trip I made it a point to make a schedule.  To set limits. To take care of myself.  And this freed me to really enjoy my time there with out regret. 

5) I'm also going to add a little recap of the last 6 months accomplishments that I couldn't do but now can!

Handstand walks. Balanced headstands.  Muscle ups. Handstand pushups. 

6) I have done a lot of interior work in the last year.  Choosing to fight belief systems that are holding me back from grace.  This takes a lot of courage and humility.  I'm proud of that.

7) Also last month, I entered a competition and I took first place. I dismiss it for being a small competition, but who cares?  It IS something to be proud of.  Another day it may not happen, but why should that rob me of that moment in time that I gained a victory.

So, when's the last time you listed all the things you have accomplished, have overcome, are proud of?  I hope we both take time to remember and celebrate it!

Training Power Deux

"We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."

-Aristotle

Another video that gets my head straight and set to do work, make my training count, and generally gets me  fired up to make a habit of living for excellence in this moment.

"I have rassled with an alligator... I done tossled with a whale.

I have handcuffed lightning and thrown thunder in jail.

That's bad." 

Ha.ha. Muhammad Ali... such a poet 

"It's not about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.

How much you can take and keep moving forward." 

Thanks for that Rocky Balboa

"Never give in. Never give in. Never. Never. Never. In nothing great or small, large or petty,

Never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. 

Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." 

-Winston Churchill... He knows.

What happened while I was busy training?

It's been over three years since I first walked through the doors of my local crossfit gym in Rio Rancho NM, just after my 30th birthday.

I don't know if I could do a single pullup.  I certainly remember starting out with the big black band for assistance.
I had never really had any experience with a barbell, and wasn't eager for a closer acquaintance.
I would go to the gym in the middle of the day, when the fewest people were there, so it was less intimidating.

I certainly remember being intimidated.
I remember the first time someone stayed through the class to cheer and encourage us.
I remember how this attention and care strengthened me.

Crossfit. We sweat together. We suffer together. We dig for our best together.
A lot has been written about it. Why we love it, why it becomes part of our lives, but that is not what this post is about. This post is just a reflection back on the beginning and stepping outside myself to look at today. 

I had no idea in the beginning how much I would suffer, how HARD I would fight, how much I would risk. 
I also had no idea how much I would gain.

Today,
I'm that girl.
That girl that totally intimidated me.
That girl that awed and wowed me.
That girl with those muscles and definition I dismissed as genetics when I saw them on others.
That girl throwing up crazy amounts of weight for a 3x5.
That girl straining and grunting like the boys.
That girl I never thought about being,
but that girl I AM.

Somewhere along the way, I decided I LOVED this stuff. I loved pushing my limits every day. 
I didn't think or bother to care about WHAT I'd become if I threw myself in the crucible of digging for my best....
If everyday I disciplined my mind and body to pursue this training.
To push when I wanted to give up.
To show up when I wanted to stay home.
To add that extra 5 lbs on the bar, full range of motion on a squat, full height on wall balls, that extra rep, that extra pull.
one day after another.

It's amazing what happens when you take a chance on desire. over. and over. and over. again.
The WHO you can find is pretty amazing. I catch a glimpse every now and then of what is happening while I've had my head down the hole of sticking to the program of my training.

I've become
That girl who hopes.
That girl who believes.
That girl who doesn't fear failure.
That girl who doesn't settle for excuses.
That girl who doesn't settle for the easy way out.
That girl who doesn't quit.
That girl who lives.
That girl who risks.
That girl who shrugs her shoulders at the odds not in her favor.

I'm still me. I'm just more powerful, walking a little more fully in God's glory,  a lot more real... and over a 1000 steps closer to who I was created to be.  and wow. It's a cool view to take in.
Just for a moment.
Drawing encouragement.

Before returning to being that girl. just doing what is hers to do. today.

Training Power

I LOVE THIS!

It has been getting me through my training sessions every day...

my mental fuel to dig deeper and deeper with every lift, every metcon, every challenge.

Tough and Dusty

Ok, so it is a "Tough Mudder" I'm reporting on.


I did my first Tough Mudder!!
It was tough. And a little muddy. But mostly dusty (seriously, breathing in all sorts of dust and at times not even being able to see 5ft in front of me for the stampede of people through the dirt), AND a Heck a lot of steepness to climb and descend.

one of the many motivational signs along the way...

The course was at Snow Valley near Big Bear, CA. 

It was 10.5 miles-ish. Ranging from 6000-8000ft.

with about 13 obstacles, while in between them

we traversed up and down ski runs, sans snow.

It could have been much worse. Can't it ALWAYS be worse?

But I think was more than satisfied with the toughness of the day.

Will I do another?  Umm... not sure about that yet.

BUT. It is so cool to have been done.

There are some things about this challenge (it's not a race, they say) that are different to me.
1) It lasted forever.
2) It was a team effort, which is part of why it lasted forever.
3) It may have been the biggest, longest challenge in one stretch that I have ever faced.


By forever, I mean 4 hours. 
If I had done this on my own I think it would have taken about 2.5ish.
The super spartan had nothing on this course.  It was a very different experience, though for appearances I would think it should be very similar.
Actually the guys that brought our team together had done a tough mudder in February, at the same location I had done the Super Spartan last year -Vale Lake near Temecula.  I asked them how this one compared to their last.  They responded that in terms of difficulty, "If this is a 10, then February's was a 5".  Well that makes us all pretty bad@ss don't you think?


Secondly, team effort.  I have never really run a race as a team, but again "it wasn't a race, but a challenge." 
Years ago, I was always behind the group in our 5K runs. We all just went at our own pace and regrouped at the end. In the last few years, I've generally been ahead of my comrades.  I've felt a little guilty about this. Like a Jerk really. Guilty about leaving them behind.  But then I never felt guilty or resented my friends when I was the one left behind.  So maybe I need to just lighten up on myself.  We all owe it to ourselves to be our best.  Not to hold back from what we can accomplish for fear of making others feel bad.

(And this is when I get all introspective)

But then where is Christian charity and compassion in that? 
I suppose there is a time and a place, and a competition is not the place?
But then, I feel like I am competing everyday, and in that,
I fear I am becoming self centered.
But I also feel I do owe it to myself, and to others who would be inspired, to TRY to be my best.  After all isn't the glory of God man fully alive?  Isn't holiness being the best version of ourselves - journeying with Him to discover what that is?

Somehow, there must be a marriage of these two callings.  Being free to drive and strive and shine, and being free to serve and humble oneself, sacrificing my own desires for others.
I just don't know how that is to be. yet.

So a team effort this was, at least in the sense that we left no man behind.  We regrouped at every obstacle and water station.  Since of course I felt I needed to prove I could hang with the toughest of the boys and to prove somehow to my coach that this was a worthy challenge, I stayed pretty near the front of the group, and just got more rest while we waited to regroup.  Other than this, the boys helped me over the walls, and we rallied and encouraged each other, and we finished together. 
This was different for me.  It was a little weird too, since I had just met 12 of my 13 teammates that morning. Still it's cool to be a part of a whole. And it must be good for me to lay aside my drive to just go go go on my own - 
To try to be a little more cooperative and play well with others :)

The truth is in all things I need to know I have a crew of support behind me, to lean on, to pray for me, to believe in me, and to catch me when I fall.  And I love being that for others.  But in our own ways, in our own battles, generally we're not side by side but the support is no less real. 
In all this long journey of life, I still don't really know how to be with people and be true to myself at the same time. What's the trick? 

I think I'm learning, and yet, I clearly still have some lies in my head that need to be knocked out.

Final observation: biggest longest challenge yet... hmm... well I've hiked mountains before, for longer distances, and greater heights.  I've also walked 500miles across a whole country before. But all of those seemed to be at a much more casual pace with more reflection along the way, more of a retreat than a challenge, so it's different I suppose.

With every adventure I'm growing more comfortable with being uncomfortable.  More resilient to muscle fatigue. And I have more experience of victory to combat my belief system from youth that says "I'm not an athlete, I don't win anything, I just blend into mediocrity."  I've said this many times and probably will have to repeat it many more, but it's about time I started believing in myself.

All in all, this was another step to challenge my will, and to do it in solidarity with thousands around me.
Pretty cool stuff.
OH, and I came down full blown strep throat within 3 days of this adventure... so Hey, either the germs were already building within as I conquered this challenge, or I picked them up along the way.  ewwww.

Oh so many more thoughts and insights to the experience but these are the biggest musings in the last few days. What adventures are you having these days?

Weekend Adventures - Half Dome

My First trip to Yosemite is accomplished....   

The purpose of our weekend adventure was to hike to the top of Half Dome.
It's gorgeous right?!

This is on Mist Trail, the first big part of our climb.
 It was stunning, a wet and mossy climb along the side of Vernal Fall.
 I felt like we were in the Misty Mountains on a Hobbit adventure. 

Everywhere there is water on the trail to Half Dome there is a reminder about how dangerous it is and please stay out of the water.... Gorgeous though right?! It would be fun to get a little pad and go sledding down this water. 

My Super Friends descending the cables.  So proud of them.
This was THE funnest!!

That reddish dot with limbs is me on the high dive.  You might think I was the champion of the world except the kid in white t-shirt spoiling the effect and bring us back to reality.
I was one of 400 people hanging out on the top of this mountain that day. 

These are my peops. My warriors. My comrades in life and on mountains.
God is so good to us. 

and look a waterfall. They are all over the park. It's amazing and I think everyone should be able to experience this once in their lives.  The grandeur, the magnitude, the stunning beauty of it all is good for the soul.
Just a glimpse of eternity. 

Through Another's Eyes

Sometimes, it's nice to let someone else tell the story from their point of view.  Here's the play by play on my 2012 regional competition as written by the president of my informal fan club - Miss Jackson Reedy~~~~

"I was given the bird, reprimanded in Church, and learned the importance of men in tights …… that’s right folks….. The SoCal Regional 2012 arrived!

Ahhh California….

First of all, to all of the CrossFitting men who choose to wear tights, I would just like to say thank you! Thank you thank you thank you for accentuating all your hard work! I needed some Icy Hot rubbed on my whiplashed neck from rapid the head turning! Also, thank you for bringing to light the fact that I really need more spiritual direction and the sacraments more frequently. But really, is it sinful to admire the male form in tights? A discussion for another blog post I’m afraid! The second thing that I am grateful for is unlimited coconut water…. Due to the fact that I was the official coach of athlete #221, I received a magical pass that gained me all access to the athlete’s tent! The only think I like more than coconut water, is free coconut water, and I was making it my personal mission to drink VitaCoco into bankruptcy.

Workout 1: “Diane” Don’t be fooled Diane is a bitch! 21-15-9 of HSPU’s and Deadlifts (155lbs) Going into the competition, I think this was the one workout that Kathy was hoping not to see… but our Lord has a way of making her stronger, and He did! She performed fantastic; finishing more rep’s then in any of her previous attempts! I also learned a valuable lesson, cheer silently for Kathy while she attempts HSPU’s otherwise….

But what I loved most about this picture is the passion! Look at that ‘bird’! The form is perfect!!! She got her point across, I shut my mouth J

Workout 2: For time: Row 2000 meters, 50 one-legged squats, 30 hang cleans (135lbs) Kathy did awesome! This workout was definitely right in the comfort zone! Her rowing pace was unreal! Those super legs really come in handy in events like this! By the end of the row there were only two women in the hunt, Kathy Carey and Katie Hogan! Honestly it was so unreal watching the two of them fight it out. I was so freaking happy! It was one of the moments that I will never forget. The evil one had been jacking with Kathy telling lies that she was not an elite athlete and BEHOLD, there she was battling with one of the top 5 crossfitters in SoCal, and probably the second most popular woman in the sport! She is elite, she has been for some time, and there she was displaying it for all to witness. It was so amazing to watch Christ’s truth unfold right in front of me in the form of a sweaty, chalked up friend of mine.

Workout 3: The Gut Check! 4 rounds of 10 dumbbell snatches (70 lbs), and sprints. Just to emphasize the magnitude of this… the dumbbell was ½ Kathy’s body weight. She had to repeatedly take it from the ground to full extension overhead in one motion with one hand. Superhero stuff! Workout 3 was defiantly a brutal test that showed a whole lot about her beautiful character. Kathy has the heart of a lion (insert thoughts of Aslan here). When the workout began it was clear that she was struggling with taped up hands and the fear of not being able to lift the weight. I could literally feel the anger and anxiety pouring out of her. It was the most helpless feeling knowing that the only thing I could do was tear up and literally plea with St. Michael to help her lift. Then in a move that takes some serious balls, she completely stopped! She ran over to her coach (the real one, not the one after free coconut water) had him tear that restrictive tape off, she reset, and started ripping that weight overhead! It was so beautiful seeing her drive to finish, and her determination to not let the workout define her. It was such a moment of growth for not only her, but also for those watching. When things are not going your way, when you're getting your @ss handed to you, sometimes the best thing you can do is just calm yourself, strip life down, reset, and start again stronger than when you first began.  Kathy powered through! She may tell you differently, but don’t listen to her she did a great job! Honestly, I would venture to say that was the most defining moment in her CrossFit career. Afterward, it was muscle ache, most of which came from the heart, but Jesus is like the great ice bath, sit in Him for a few minutes and He will make all things new. Her muscles became refreshed and it was onto work out 4.

Workout 4: Lift a lot of heavy crap, squat it, perform a bunch of pull-ups and repeat. If ever in life there was a perfect workout for Kathy, this may have been it….sadly I missed half of it! That’s right! The president of the Calves Carey Fan Club was walking around looking at men in tights while Kathy was competing. How could this happen? There was a mix up in information. Kathy was told she was going to be in heat 2 which started at 4:30…. In reality she was in heat 3 which started at 3:50! This also came as a great surprise to her. She had no time to warm up, no time to think, no time to second guess… only time to run out there and put on one of the greatest athletic performances to date! I was in the restroom ‘giving back’ some coconut water when I heard on the intercom “Kathy Carey is in the lead with 30 pull-ups”… After staring blankly at the stall trying to decipher if I heard that correctly, I ran as fast as I could to witness this for myself. Sure enough, there she was dominating her competition!!! I’m not trying to brag, but I will, she was killing everyone else!!! Killing them!!! I could not even speak, I could only scream at the top of my lungs in joy! All you heard from the announcers were “can anyone catch Kathy?” “Crossfit 760’s Kathy Carey is in the lead” It was bananas! In the course of only a few hours I witnessed Kathy go from heartbreak to triumph, I am just so thankful I was there to witness it. She had the top time through the first 2 heats and ended up finishing 10^th overall! Kathy “Calves” Carey is an elite athlete!

After the “killer calves’ workout, it was only proper that we go to Mass to thank Him for all of His blessings. We joined this cute little community for mass and it was there that Kathy got us in trouble! This was an all Spanish mass and seeing as how the words "margarita", "taco" and "Nuevo Mexico" were not in the liturgy, I was in lala land dreaming up impossible scenarios that were never going to happen. Kathy on the other hand took the initiative to learn the message of the gospel and borrowed my phone for use of the Magnificat. Right about the time I was figuring out an escape route for evading snipers there was a tap on Kathy’s shoulder from an usher telling her to put the phone away immediately! She tried showing him what she was reading, but he could care less! “NO PHONES IN CHURCH!!” Busted! Poor Calves, she got in trouble for reading the gospel in Mass. But, praise God for holy and reverent communities!

Workout 5: Snatch ladder and double-unders. As a fan of the sport and only a spectator, this workout was kind of bland to me. I think looking back it was the waiting that killed me. All of the women filed in one by one to begin this workout. I was so nervous that it felt like 200 people began before the person that I cared to see. In the individual category all of the women pretty much went out at the same marks, which was pretty expected I think. Kathy ended up snatching 105 and finished that workout in 24^th place. The most beautiful part of this workout was an event that happened following its completion. Kathy noticed that they scored her incorrectly; they made a mistake and gave her credit for a lift that she did not complete. Only wanting to do what glorifies God, she went to the scoring table and gave them truth. Kathy’s honesty was the difference between some women making the final cut or packing their things and going home. In a perfect world everyone would do the right thing, but lets just face it, many times that’s not what happens. Never a missed opportunity to lead Crossfitters closer to Christ.  

The 2012 SoCal regionals was an experience that I will never forget. I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I express how happy and proud I am of you, Kathy. I look forward to sharing in the journey to the 2013 SoCal regionals. I have so much confidence in your ability and I know that God has huge blessings in store for you. Thank you for inspiring me to be better, not only in fitness but also in life. However, I do have a word of warning, you inspired me try and beat you so just know that I am coming! I love you!

2012 SoCal Regionals… That’s a wrap!"

To my dear friend, Thank you so much for believing in me! The journey is just beginning, still! but I could not have even embarked upon it with out so many voices of encouragement to fight for me through the times I didn't have faith in myself.

I don't do this for me

even against who I think I am.

Lately I've been struggling to remember why I do this?

Crossfit. Training. Competing.

Life = Sleep. train. eat. work. train. eat. Repeat... (and don't forget to mobilize and recover!!)

Why?  Is it all just vanity?  Dust and Ashes.

When there is a whole world out there that's so much bigger than this. 

With these thoughts my heart and my limbs get very heavy.

Without purpose, why push and drive and fight?

"Because I'm worth it, Because I CAN, Because I deserve to be my best."

Sure.

Empty. Vanity. Blah. Blah. Blah...

That's not enough for me.

And so I take it to prayer.  I pour out my heart to the only one that holds the TRUTH.
Desperately seeking, "Is this for your glory or mine?"

And there is no peace other than this is where I am right now.
This what I have been given to do.  Nothing else makes any sense.
Small and simple as it is, when I push and drive and fight for my best in this path, I am more ALIVE.
more free, more me.
Yes, there is more pain and exhaustion.
But that is far better than numbness. dullness. deadness. going through the motions of life.
Seeking and Not finding.
Restless.

The key to freedom. Every thing is grace.

God is with me here.
I don't need to seek.
I don't need to question.
I just need to do.
Even if I'm the guy with only one talent. Better to risk it all and allow God to multiply it than to bury it.
And if I suck. If I fall.  Well then it was all vanity, wasn't it?

Not at all!
Because I don't do this for me anyway.
I do this for God.
It's his work in me.  SO what then?
The outcome is all on Him. I just need to do the work.

I do this because it is what I've been given to do.
This is my one talent, I won't bury it.

In the meantime I'll try not to hate Bob Harper for getting a 6:58 Diane, when I can't even put two HSPU's together these days.  It's not about him. It's not even about me :)  I need to remember that.

Gratitude - part 2

Have I really only done one Gratitude post?? Ok. Well, I'm fixing that right now.
My life is overflowing with goodness, and it seems like a necessity in my lenten resolution, "Don't be a Jerk" to acknowledge it.  Besides, if I don't get it out I might explode.  Or worse... forget.



to which I must answer, "Heck yes I will!"



1) I did it.  Crossfit Regionals here I come.  I didn't just make top 60 either friends. I finished 24th in SoCal. That's bananas. 



2)  I get daily motivation from my former 4229 roommate - every day through the open she helped me believe in myself and get my head on straight, ready and driving to succeed - Including little gems like this one...

3) My whole crew at Crossfit 760 is the best - even when I have melt downs ending in a DNF and crying on the gym floor.   They love me anyway and still think I'm super.  I'm so grateful I'm surrounded by people waiting for me to succeed.  So many out there are surrounded by peops waiting for them to fall - but maybe that's just because that's what they put out to the world.  No lie, peops,  when you send love and gratitude out into your world, you will find it.  St. John of the Cross knew what he was talking bout.

Yep, showed you this before. Still true.



PS "Princess" is kicking butt finishing grad school right now. Stud!



4) I got flowers!!! Such love.  I don't care if it IS cliche; Nothing says you love me like beautiful fragrant flowers. Thanks, Princess! 

These are the kind of awesome thoughtful people I have in my life.  I am not that person - so it makes it especially humbling and me especially grateful.

5) God KNOWS. He knows, He cares. He's got my back.  Winning or losing or whatever.

There's a bigger plan, and it's a good one.

At the moment, I have a touch of tendonitis or something that flared up quite unkindly 2 weeks ago. I was still able to kick heiny in the final work out, and now I am resting. and resting. and resting it.

While this is not exciting - I am taking a grateful moment and choosing to trust. It IS exciting to know that God sees the bigger picture. He sees how it will all end, and I can choose to relax, go with what is, do what I can, and know all things work together for good. 

Ashes & Aspirations

Today is a big day!

It's Ash Wednesday. Coincidentally, it is also the beginning of the crossfit open.

The Open kicks off the Games Season, and the test of my training.
Ash Wednesday ushers us into Lent, and the 40 day journey to strip away the unnecessary and unhelpful.

It's pretty cool actually that they arrive at the same time.

~Ashes~
Lent means "spring time" literally.  It's a time for new growth, new life, but spring is always preceded by the starkness of winter. 

In the paraphrased words of my Facebook Friend, "Lent comes as an intense penitential time where Christians spiritually follow Christ into the desert and spend 40 days with Him there. We ramp up our prayers, penance and alms to mortify our senses and bring our flesh under subjection to the higher power of the soul, the will. We do these things for love of God and to be reminded that we do not live on meat and veggies alone* but our good God. Everything culminates on Holy week, the week preceding Easter... where Christ suffers His Passion... then Easter Vigil when we await Easter... then Easter!!! The greatest feast day of the church calendar!
I personally always come out of Lent, more disciplined, grateful and realizing how many superfluous things I add to my life."

*because since when have crossfitting Christians eaten bread?

~Aspirations~

Coming into the Crossfit Open, I have a high goal.  Top 60.

Only the top 60 each of men and women will go onto the regional competition. 
Top 60. 
Last year I was 89th. 
But it didn't matter last year, because I got to go as part of a team onto the next level.
But it didn't matter last year, because I had never competed EVER and had no idea where I would fall
...so as absolutely emotionally bananas as I was... I didn't have a reference point.  

This year there are twice as many people participating and at least half are likely to have been training as hard as I have this year.... or harder. That pretty much translates into I have to have improved more than 60% since last year to reach my goal.
Right?
I just crunch numbers. Not so good at knowing if they actually mean what I think they mean :)

~Ashes~
We wear ashes on our foreheads today to remember what happened to the human race with sin...
"Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return"
It's humbling.  This isn't what we were created for, but there's such a beauty and a simplicity in wearing it.
It says,  "I know you are bigger than me, God.  I know on my own I go off all kinds of crazy ways.
Everything in this world will end in ash and dust.
But I know if I trust in You and walk with You through this desert.
I will be with You.
In the end there will be life."

~Aspirations~
I discipline my body daily.  I train diligently.  I eat mindfully.
When I'm not in the gym, I seek chiropractic adjustments, pilates for strength and alignment, massage for release and recovery, mobility, contrast showers, ice, stretching, compression, and SLEEP.
please more sleep!
And still it too often feels like its not enough. I'm not making the progress I want at the pace I think I need.
Southern California is pretty undebatably the toughest region for women.
I don't even have hand stand pushups or muscle ups yet.
My propensity to freak out is great.

But... Seeing so many people compete in the open, so many just giving it a go,

Is beautiful. and simple. and humbling.

It brings back the big picture of why we all do this - because we love it.  because we want to push that much harder to find our new best each day. because we are a community, encouraging one another to grow.

~Ashes~

I love lent. I love the austerity.  I love the simplicity.  The focus.  I love that it lasts 40 days, because you know it takes me nearly that long to "get it".

I love that it lands right along side something that would tempt me to pride and vanity and self depricating insanity, with the fear of "not making it".

Because with these two things together I feel like life balances out...

The daily cross and the hope.

I'm ready!

Break out of that Box

Last weekend I ran in the San Diego Diva Dash - 5K obstacle fun run.
It was colorful. It was girl time - get out and move fun!  It was beautiful to see so many ladies encouraging each other and uniting to help each other through this accomplishment.

And it IS an accomplishment. Getting up and running 3.1 miles is something most Americans probably don't even try to do.  So way to go Divas, getting your dash on!

The size of our goals isn't so important. 

It's that we have them, and that we keep striving for them.

For me, I wanted to win. I'm not a runner - I'm a crossfitter.  But I believe crossfit equips me pretty well for most other athletic endeavors.  There was certainly some draw to just running with my friend and enjoying moving on a Saturday morning... But I just can't do it.  It's a race. If I pay for a race, If I have a chip timer, I must at least try to see how fast I can do it. 

I didn't win, but I finished in the top 2%.  That really is stellar.

What is really stellar also is that I had the courage to hope - to say - I want to win.
I never win, but I never will either if I don't set my sights on it.

We hear that sort of motivational talk from athletes all the time.  How often do we just dismiss it. just a little bit. with the notion, that there is something about them that we don't have, and never will?

3 years ago I ran a 5K in Daphne, AL.  I remember during the last mile seeing the "top finishers" jogging their "cool down" back our direction.   I was incredulous, questioning their sanity and humanity.
For me, a race had always just been the insurance that I would actually finish the distance, but by this point in my journey, I had completed a sprint triathlon.  I was on the the up, starting to feel like more is possible, but seeing those "real runners" seemed to negate my journey at the time - but no doubt they have a journey of their own.

I have a bad habit of thinking that people who are elite at what they do, were pretty much genetically programmed and nurtured to be that way.  Therefore I have no chance.   Lie.  What lies are you telling yourself?

In highschool I ran cross country for a season, my senior year.  Our races were only about 2 miles, so no time for numb feet, but do you know that I would actually WALK. yes, in the RACES.  as soon as I was behind the cover of some trees or something, I walked.  15 years later, I'll pick up and run 2miles just to relax and recover.

It's all relative. Today, if I set out to do a race longer than 5 miles, you better bet, my goal would be just to finish, and/or to not walk. Depending on the distance.  But given time I know I could be prepared.

What's the difference between me then and me now?  Time. Training. Patience. Desire. Determination. and Choosing not to let any one define what I will be capable of... starting with myself.