Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Crossfit Open 13.2 - the turning point

The Greatness of man's power is the measure of his surrender. -William Booth

Oh what an adventure this season is turning out to be.
Be warned - 
this post is ~3% about crossfit and 97% about love and life!  
Just wanted to let you know, so you can stop here if you've been misled :)

This is Mary & I. Those are flowers
she brought me when she came to support me
during 13.2.
She's amazing.
Love frees us to do what we are being called to do.
I am so grateful. 
13.2 arrived last Wednesday:
10min of 5 Shoulder to Overhead, 10 Deadlifts, and 15 Box Jumps, oh my!
Hello posterior chain explosion.

It also marked the arrival of the (for real) realization that it's not important to me to go to regionals this year. I won't go through the details of the 2.5 attempts I took at it ... Yes even after I said I wanted to be "one and done" ...  cut me some slack I was working through some stuff.
AND guess what?! I found my answers.

Ready for it?
Competing this year is not my priority...
No, taking a 1000 pilgrims to World Youth Day in Brazil is my priority. oh. and. Getting MARRIED is my priority too. Actually that's the first order of business.

I have had and have crossfit dreams... but the time is NOW for my original dream and heart's desire.
It was not something I could go out and achieve. It's a gift God had to deliver to me in His time, and hello Calves with your head in the clouds, that time is now, Darlin'!  yes i just spoke to myself, and yes I'm really southern. My dream and desire is being given to me now.  And I've been missing it.
Oh Hello, Mr. Sheets, there you are!

So I decided ... somewhere between Wednesday and Sunday, that there is no reason to delay when God is calling.  Chris has been ready for this... and now I am.

As soon as I declared and accepted that I do not have the time and dedication necessary to pursue being competitive at crossfit this year, that it is not my priority to put in the time and energy for the gauntlet, THEN clarity came. What are we waiting for?

The pieces of life are never going to fall perfectly into place. It's never going to be all figured out financially and where you'll live or how long you'll be doing the things you do now.  It's enough to know that we want to be on this journey together, that we want to be one.
It's enough.
We choose that. We move on that.
And Look what I finally learned to do.
With my dear husband to be.
New tricks - new hope for the future ;)
We know that God will place each piece into place along the way as we go.

I love it when I get to see what God is up to.  It's pretty neat.
I love it when I finally let go and see how he wants to place the pieces... and I see. "hmm.. that's not what I thought, but hey! That's gooooood!" 

So between 13.2 and 13.3... my wedding date has moved forward 4 months. YAY!!
the countdown is on 69 Days!!!

Now I get to be a princess. Now I get to be a girly girl and plan and dream and think about my wedding day - That thing that I didn't allow myself to even consider all those years that my dream was deferred. Now I get to live it.  Sometimes, I guess you just have to make a seemingly difficult decision... and then you find it only seems so hard and confusing and scary until you do it.

So YAY! and YIKES!!
I'll take all the help and tips and support and advice you guys can throw at me.
I am abundantly blessed!

Friday, March 15, 2013

Dark Night of the Crossfit Soul

Let's be honest.

... I feel like I have to say it out loud. I have to declare it to claim it, so I'm writing it. 

I have been so twisted up in my head and my heart over crossfit for the last six months. I've been so confused and probably over trained. 

That won't do - I need a clear goal. To continue through the open I need to know what my purpose is. I need to name what victory is to me. 

I thought it was finishing in the top 48...actually I'm not even sure that was honest, because I wanted to place top 15 at regionals so even if I make top 48 I'm sure I'd find a problem with it. But that's not my purpose anymore. 

So what is it?  
What is victory to me right now?
Finishing.  Just finishing. 

It's a reassessment of my goals.
I'm not copping out, or giving up. But I am gaining clarity and focus. 

I just need to get through this season as far as it takes me. 
I just need to show up at the box day in day out, disciplined as I have been. 
I need to do the open workouts like any other workout. 
Hitting it hard as I always do.  I need to give it my best effort and then just keep going. 

Just keep going. 

Winning right now is showing up, giving my best, and letting the chips fall where they will. 

No agonizing over what score I need. No leader boarding. 
No anxiety and scrutinizing myself. 
No doing it over and over. 

My goal is to finish what I started. 

That I keep showing up is all that matters right now. 
Sometimes victory is just doing what you need to do, even when you don't feel like it. When your heart isn't in it. 

Being competitive at crossfit was my dream.  Last year was great. 
I have a new dream right now. 
And I want to soak that up and walk in the light of its beauty. 
I just need my love story right now. 
Another time, another season I may change my mind. 

but now. 
It is what it is. 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

13.1 Crossfit Open

Just for the record... here's what I have so far about the crossfit open 2013.
It's a very different experience this year:

1) Balance. Breathe. One thing at a time.
I began my approach to this Open with less desperation than last year.

  • That's good - it's more balanced. 
  • That's bad - it's lacking the firey motivation to do EVERY THING necessary to achieve my potential. 

2) 13.1 was a serious mental and conditioning challenge.
I thought the snatches would have taken more focus and that the burpees were a filler. But I found the burpees needed some due respect to force myself to go faster than I wanted... and the snatches I should have gone faster than I wanted also... I was not going to fail on the 75# and there was very small chance of failing on the 100#... but I didn't know that, until I felt it.

3) What I did well - I made a really awesome, thoughtful plan.  I didn't get upset when I changed the plan mid workout.  I smiled and stayed calm through about 95% of it.  Cue: www.menalitywod.com. Seriously if you don't follow her on twitter or facebook get on it! Great advice for competing and life.

4) What I could improve - dig deeper!! trust myself that even if it feels like I will not finish if I push harder, I will finish.  I will not die.  I can do more than I think.  Also, I didn't want to. I just didn't want to go faster, dig deeper, push harder ... I wanted to pace it. and I paced myself down to a score I know wasn't representative of what I CAN do.

5)  Lessons

  • You can't get it back. Make it count. 
  • Don't sell yourself short at any point, aiming for something less than you know you are capable of doing. I aimed big but then when it hurt I set my sights lower than I should have.
  • Restructure training to allow myself to be fresh, recovered, and ready for the open wod's with enough time to repeat if needed. 

6) New approach, Do what's necessary.  There are a lot of other important demands on my attention right now. and at least two other things that I need to give my best to - work and Chris.

I didn't want to do this one twice.  I didn't want to even consider it. I wanted to take this season as a test of my training more than my heart for the sport, because my heart is in other places.

But I NEED my heart. I need my passion.

No, this sport isn't my entire life, and I would much rather enjoy my weekend with my dear husband to be, investing in one another, than having the anticipation of the competition still looming over my head.

BUT this is only a SEASON.  It's a season I've worked all year toward.
And I wish I would have taken the effort to make 13.1 a stronger start.

I owe it to myself to make it a bigger priority, so I come out of it without any regret.
Even though I don't necessarily FEEL like it.

This is where Chris's support is invaluable.
Even though I would rather save more energy for him and for us than pour it all out on the Open,
it's something he is happy to sacrifice for this time to help me reach a goal I set.
My goals are important to him.
This is a new concept to me.

I've always treated life as though I had to be a loner to get what I need - I could tell other people, and ask for prayer, but in the midst of it, in action, I had to withdraw and do it on my own.
Now I am learning to trust that someone else is on my side and will stay by my side even if it means I have very little to give back for a while.

This is revolutionary. See why I can't help but love him so much :)

Friday, March 1, 2013

Six Pack non-experiment Follow up

This is a bit obnoxious. I'm not a fan of people posting their stomachs and bodies all over social media.
However I suppose this if for the sake of observation... and it's not social media. not really.
But anyway if you don't like that sort of thing, stop here!!

Any way, I came here today to post an effusion of some emotion or other, and then realized that
my Six Pack experiment posts from the VERY early blog days had been viewed recently. And I thought to myself,
"hmph. Self, is your belly any leaner, six packier, after 2 yrs of constant crossfit competition mindedness than it was then... after that 1st 2 months of paleo eating and 'regular' crossfitting?"

(not really. I didn't really say that to myself I just vaguely wondered without words... but whatever.)

SO... I mosied on into the restroom to document and see.

on #4 I stuck my tummy out as far as I could just to compare and be sure that I wasn't  sucking it in or trying to make it look better, because you know, I can sometimes be a LITTLE vain. (I inherited it from my lovely mama) so I might just do stuff like that in the mirror. you never know.  Any way it is what it is. There is clearly still upper ab definition even pretending that I'm preggo and puffing it out. I'm cool with that. 
Compare this to... This Link back to December 2010

I haven't looked at that in 2 yrs so I'll give the follow up.
I never did "go for it" and concert a real effort to achieve a six pack.
Meh. The decision was, "It's not that important to me."

I eat well, I train hard, but I actually am not as good at "sit ups" as I once was.  I can snatch and Clean and Jerk like 30 and 40 pounds more than I could 2 yrs ago. I can back squat 60 pounds more. I can now do muscle ups and handstand push ups ... and those sorts of things are more important to me than being able to do 600 sit ups.

I really gave up on measurements and weighing myself, much to at all, not long after that picture.
Like really I hate it.
None of that is a friend to me.
And and I think that's sort of the point of the Whole 9, Active, "Paleo", Crossfit life.
The point just about being healthy and functional and it's generally a side effect to feel like you look good.

I generally feel indifferent now to actresses and models about appearance, where as I think in past times I was more longing to look that way.
I don't envy them. I don't feel inferior.
I might even feel slightly smug and superior at moments I confess,  and think "Hey I could be on that magazine" ;) not exactly, but
because I love my body and what it can do.  I love that I can run and play and drive and push myself.
I thank God for it almost daily and that makes me keep going when it's hard.
Because I know it's worth it.
I know I am taking care of myself.
AND while injury and illness can strike anyone at any time, even the most fit,
I have peace and confidence in knowing I'm doing my part to be a good steward.
The body is the channel through which we experience all things in the world. The body is a channel of our souls, and the only way through which we can communicate to the world
We can't change that we are composite beings of body and soul.
And I feel  I need to care for my whole self.

All of that to come back the the belly and say. Hmm. Interesting.
I think it's more six-packyish but then maybe not. maybe it's just the same and that's the way I'm made whether I'm training one or three hours a day... Maybe a tighter diet would change it. who knows?

What do you think??

The cool part is that ultimately it doesn't really matter :)