Our Wedding

It's been 3 months since our wedding and I promised you the story...  here it is! Wow. I am so proud of myself to be this on the ball ;)

          ~It. was. Enchanting.~

Background: We chose something a little unusual for modern times. We chose to get married on a Sunday during an ordinary weekly Mass at our Parish -- the 11am Mass to be exact, where I lector every month, with the people we see and who see us week after week.  I don't know their names,
(well I didn't, but I know A LOT more of them now that I'm the parish celebrity bride)
but I felt they are my people, even without names. They are part of our family - our big, beautiful, messy, faith family, and I am so grateful we were able to have them witness our marriage.

Our pastor offered us to have the wedding on a Sunday. It's free after all when you don't have to rent the building or the servers etc, and sacraments should be free, right? right??
Chris loved the suggestion immediately.

Surprise!

I loved the idea of such simplicity.  I knew getting married was about us and our commitment,  but it felt to me that it was just as much about the Church as a whole. We were all joined at the table of the Lord. Everyone was welcome. All those parishioners, "my people", had no idea when they showed up for Mass that week that they were going to witness a wedding.   SURPRISE!  you're invited!

 Don't mind me, the girl in white, I'll just be taking up most of the aisle, thank you! Welcome!

So, as I was saying,  I loved the idea of simplicity, but there was a part of me that felt simplicity came at the sacrifice of making things "my way" and while I welcomed it on a logical level... the smaller control freak part of me died a little.  Our choice meant we gave up our say in the details of the wedding itself:  the readings, the music, the decoration, the position and participation of the wedding party. I prepared myself for that, and welcomed it, believing that our choices for this day really would lay the ground work for where we will place our values in our life together.

Our Family!!
(less a few for whom it was not possible on such short notice)

I prepared myself that our wedding would be a Mass like every other Sunday, and the only thing different would be that we were in wedding clothes, that we processed in, that our vows would be exchanged there, and that we would walk out as husband and wife...  easy peasy. simple and humble.

You guys... it was NOT a Sunday Mass like any other Sunday Mass.
It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever witnessed.
(Ok I'm partial, but really. partiality aside, my mind is blown.)

We handed over all those little extra details, and Thank God we did because it was perfect!

It overwhelms my heart how much we were blessed.
How Father Wallace prepared the congregation and welcomed them into the celebration, how the bridal coordinator (or someone, i really need to find out who!) laid flowers along the altar,
How joyful both strangers and friends were to witness our marriage,
Not to mention How much our families and friends did for us.  How many came.
We were gifted with generosity and beauty from every side.
Words fail me. They really do.
It's just a surge of emotion: incredible gratitude... and that feeling you get... do you know the feeling?
When you were just given more than you could have ever expected, more than you ever imagined. and you feel sort of overwhelmed. even unworthy of such gratuitous love. and there is nothing to be done, but accept it. maybe shed some tears. and gaze back at the Lord. at the universe. at everyone in your life, with love and gratitude?  that feeling.

hideous?  I have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth. grumpy bride.
 Look how beautiful!

When we decided to move the wedding date forward 4 months,getting the thumbs up from the church was as easy as walking up to our Pastor, making our request, and him checking the calendar on his iphone.  Done!
The change of date made our preferred reception venue unavailable, however.
Quick Plan B - Bring on the parish hall! linoleum floors, tacky chairs, and all.  I'll take it!!

Ironically, Chris had suggested the hall in the beginning of our planning, and I shot him down, declaring it hideous.

~SIL Mallory made our glasses~

My dear husband took this turn of events as an opportunity to gallantly show his love for me.  He worked so hard to make that space beautiful for me.

He blessed me with beauty, understanding how much I longed for our day to be beautiful. Our friends blessed us, uniting to transform ordinary things into wedding day elegance.

The church blessed us - Making the whole thing much more affordable than we could have found, and giving us free reign of the hall for the whole weekend.

My MIL did this!
amazing talent!

Chris's mom blessed us, pouring hours into making favors (with the help my mom and aunts too) AND she made our wedding cake, which was stunning! see? -->

SIL Stephanie made my bouquet
She was the most accommodating
loving artist!

My parents blessed us! Their generosity was incredible - instead of going into debt we were able to pay some off!!
Our families and friends blessed us - everyone came together to help in any and every way - decorating, Arranging flowers, running out to buy more supplies (or non alcoholic drinks after the virgin Margaritas were found to be not virgin after all. Thanks Hammes'!)
And all our guests blessed us - it was truly heart warming to see people come from so far to celebrate with us. My only regret at the end of the day was that I did not have more time to enjoy the day with our guests, to catch up, to express how very much it meant to us that they were there.

St. Margaret's Parish ~ Oceanside, CA

To say we are grateful just doesn't do it justice. From that day forward our lives are forever changed. Thank you for sharing it with us and making it what you did.

(all photos by the talented Jon Robershaw :)

One year later... & thoughts on slipping into smitten

Theme music for today's post.

Despite the fact that in this blog I clearly expose all my frantic, messy, train wreck, struggling and striving imperfections to the internet... somehow I still seem to imagine that I hold some sort of perfection and togetherness of appearance. yeah, I know. No clue.

In my adventures in dating, or lack there of, I think it is precisely this divide - between reality and what I want to believe (and have others believe) is the reality - that is the primary culprit in the better named "misadventures" ...

Exactly one year ago, I posed the question to you all of what the heck is my problem and do I even want to change it?  Now seems like a good time to follow up on that point - because I have a pretty good comparison to make, and progress reports are always in order. Are they not?


1) Yes, yes. I'm NOT perfect, but someone has recently entered my life that insists daily on seeing me with my strengths and weaknesses, my daily battles, as something of the most beautiful and amazing nature.   So while I freak out and fight to keep up all my defenses and anxieties that I'm the one holding "it all" together (even though I know this is not true) ... he challenges me to love myself, mess and all.

2)  So he's not Catholic. meh. no one's perfect ;) 
In fact, it might be better this way. We'll see.
Considering my point from last year that Catholics seem so often to disagree on the ways they believe and live their faith and what's optional and what's not... such that you often don't really know what you're going to get even with someone that calls themselves the same religion as you,  it seems so much  more about growing together. 
And here is someone that respects and admires my faith and convictions...
So what I have found, despite denominational differences, is that we're able to share a love of Christ and both daily invite Him into each step of the journey - and that really is the core of it all.
It's so freeing to know the whole thing is in God's hands and we're both leaving it there.

My relationship with God, absolutely, IS the only way I make sense of and come to peace with anything in life, and that relationship is inseparable from the Sacraments through the Church.  I could no sooner abandon my faith than I could stop breathing. And he doesn't ask that of me. He's even been coming to Mass! This openness and acceptance of something that is so important to me is a precious gift, even if he never shares every aspect of it. 

3) It's still true.  All I do is work and crossfit, but lucky me!  Crossfit brought this Captain Awesome Mr. Tough guy, honey snuggle muffin to me ;)  I didn't have to compromise my goals, and force myself to go out looking.  He was up close and personal in the midst of my competition mode and still picked me out as his crossfit crush.  That's so awesome. Even though I'd like to keep a pretty face on, knowing he's seen me in the raw. really raw. beast mode. and still thinks I'm attractive is encouraging.

4) This is the painstaking part.... I have been VERY comfortable in the perfect little order and delicate balance of my life and emotional health, that I've fought to create.  It IS a process of learning to extend my life to include some one and stretch beyond work and crossfit.  BUT this is just about as organic of a transition as I could hope for, with someone that supports me and my lifestyle in every way.  I am SO grateful to have such an incredibly patient, caring, and strong man in my life.

5) Again... have I met one of the most understanding and supportive men on the planet?
Date 3 (or 4 depending who you ask)
Him: "SO, what are your goals, dreams, ambitions?"
Me: "Honestly, I've never been a career driven person... all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mom..."
I don't think we ever got past that point in this particular conversation. 
No talk about how that has changed.
Nothing about how I have adapted my goals in light of a "dream" so long deferred. 
I think at the time I didn't think he was really listening to me. But he was. He just didn't need to hear more than that right then. I guess even though I don't have clear power career woman goals it's clear enough that I'm immensely loyal, committed, and driven in anything I set as valuable to me.   It's enough.  It's a beautiful thing.  He sees that, and that is rad.
About the rest ... well he's had plenty of time for abundant adventures of his own: snowboarding, and rafting, and skating, and traveling... a lot like me in different ways.... trusting that God has the plan and the timing.
His providence has never disappointed.

So... I say let the adventure continue.
one day at a time :)

So Blessed.

Birthday 2012

I just celebrated my birthday (last month! I know I'm late on this post...)

Generally I get pretty depressed, despite my best intentions to be positive, around my birthday.  I feel awkward. I want to be celebrated, but I don't want to be the one to celebrate myself, and I don't know how to bring the people in my life together... It's overwhelming, and then there's the whole "Another year and I'm STILL single?" lamentation.

This year is different. This year I have been celebrating my life, just as it is, more and more everyday.

And my birthday was just a great big excuse to share that celebration with who ever would join me.

I am so blessed with so many beautiful people....  the weekend before, I had my makeup done by the lovely Jenna, and did a photoshoot with my awesome friend and teammate Natalie.  The photoshoot was a gift from a beautiful friend and talented photographer, Denise. (look how she made me look lovely to help me not feel old!)

  Afterwards a crew of us celebrated the end of the Crossfit Open with Sushi and a movie. 

All week I spread the word that on my birthday  (which actually fell on a Saturday) there would be DANCING!.

I am so grateful that so many came out to celebrate with me.  We had close to 20 at dinner and as many that carried over, or joined there, for the break down of 2012.  People brought me gifts! That still suprises me, I sort of think of presents for your birthday being a childhood thing for some reason, but I loved it!!

My crossfit buddies know exactly what I need :) water bottles, funky lifting socks, compression socks, sweet cooking utensils, flowers, sports bras and even pretty jewelry, as all we girls do.  I was beyond grateful!