Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Road to Regionals 2

Here we go - qualifying for the
Crossfit Southern California Regional Competition -
This is my next and biggest (so far) challenge :

Standards and Details Here...

Upon seeing this last week I went from:
1) steeled and braced - stoic to accept the challenge to
2) TEARS and anxiety to
3) amped up excitement and gratitude

There are less than 3 weeks to prepare. I am very grateful, because several regions only had 9 days before heading to their competition once these bad boy wod's were released.

I think a lot of what I had to say about the road to regionals last year is still applicable... twice daily contrast showers, and yes there is ice, and compression, and lots of arnica and tiger balm, etc.
I've added some supplements for better recovery and more regular massage and soft tissue work, as well as using the digi massager while desking it for the day job :)
But the stress is less.  I was losing my mind last year.
Also, this isn't so new to me any more. I've pretty much fully embraced it now that this is what I am.
I wear the gear. I live the nutritional and sleep and training lifestyle. I'm happier and more alive than maybe I've ever been.

So part of the relative ease is just the experience and rythym, and part of it is flying solo this year - going individual I don't have the same pressure and fear of disappointing the team. Yet, we are still making the journey somewhat together. I am so grateful for each of them and how much they teach and support me.  
Choosing to compete as an indvidual and seeing those workouts was terrifying, but it has helped me take away my crutches.  I can't work around my weaknesses; I have to attack each of them.  No matter how it goes, I know I will be a better, more well rounded athlete because of this opportunity.

This year I am excited. Thrilled.  This is a great opportunity and I'm stoked for it.
Sure, the chances of seeing me on the podium are slim to none, but I made the first cut didn't I?

You know what esle? I don't even mind the body pain, anticipation and exhaustion at this point.
Part of that has got to be that my prep time is significantly shorter having our regional competition earlier than last year, but the other part, I think, is that I know it's worth it.
There is a goal in sight.
It's not forever.
In fact it will be over too fast.
So I want to soak in every step of the journey. Embrace it. Love it.

Better every day than the day before. 
It's an exciting adventure that I feel I was born to make. That's a fun thing.

Now come on, body, stay strong and injury free!
Thanks to all my intercessors out there :)

Birthday 2012

I just celebrated my birthday (last month! I know I'm late on this post...)
Generally I get pretty depressed, despite my best intentions to be positive, around my birthday.  I feel awkward. I want to be celebrated, but I don't want to be the one to celebrate myself, and I don't know how to bring the people in my life together... It's overwhelming, and then there's the whole "Another year and I'm STILL single?" lamentation.

This year is different. This year I have been celebrating my life, just as it is, more and more everyday.
And my birthday was just a great big excuse to share that celebration with who ever would join me.
I am so blessed with so many beautiful people....  the weekend before, I had my makeup done by the lovely Jenna, and did a photoshoot with my awesome friend and teammate Natalie.  The photoshoot was a gift from a beautiful friend and talented photographer, Denise. (look how she made me look lovely to help me not feel old!)

  Afterwards a crew of us celebrated the end of the Crossfit Open with Sushi and a movie. 
All week I spread the word that on my birthday  (which actually fell on a Saturday) there would be DANCING!.

I am so grateful that so many came out to celebrate with me.  We had close to 20 at dinner and as many that carried over, or joined there, for the break down of 2012.  People brought me gifts! That still suprises me, I sort of think of presents for your birthday being a childhood thing for some reason, but I loved it!!
My crossfit buddies know exactly what I need :) water bottles, funky lifting socks, compression socks, sweet cooking utensils, flowers, sports bras and even pretty jewelry, as all we girls do.  I was beyond grateful!

Friday, April 20, 2012

I don't do this for me

even against who I think I am.
Lately I've been struggling to remember why I do this?
Life = Sleep. train. eat. work. train. eat. Repeat... (and don't forget to mobilize and recover!!)

Why?  Is it all just vanity?  Dust and Ashes.
When there is a whole world out there that's so much bigger than this. 
With these thoughts my heart and my limbs get very heavy.
Without purpose, why push and drive and fight?
"Because I'm worth it, Because I CAN, Because I deserve to be my best."
Empty. Vanity. Blah. Blah. Blah...
That's not enough for me.

And so I take it to prayer.  I pour out my heart to the only one that holds the TRUTH.
Desperately seeking, "Is this for your glory or mine?"

And there is no peace other than this is where I am right now.
This what I have been given to do.  Nothing else makes any sense.
Small and simple as it is, when I push and drive and fight for my best in this path, I am more ALIVE.
more free, more me.
Yes, there is more pain and exhaustion.
But that is far better than numbness. dullness. deadness. going through the motions of life.
Seeking and Not finding.

The key to freedom. Every thing is grace.
God is with me here.
I don't need to seek.
I don't need to question.
I just need to do.
Even if I'm the guy with only one talent. Better to risk it all and allow God to multiply it than to bury it.
And if I suck. If I fall.  Well then it was all vanity, wasn't it?

Not at all!
Because I don't do this for me anyway.
I do this for God.
It's his work in me.  SO what then?
The outcome is all on Him. I just need to do the work.

I do this because it is what I've been given to do.
This is my one talent, I won't bury it.

In the meantime I'll try not to hate Bob Harper for getting a 6:58 Diane, when I can't even put two HSPU's together these days.  It's not about him. It's not even about me :)  I need to remember that.