I'm late on this one, by a few weeks, and I figured I should get it out sometime before regionals ;)
Perhaps, it's helpful to look back. I just reread this post I wrote a few months ago. It was good to be reminded of this. I was right for almost all my predictions.
Except, It was the THIRD not the second week of the open before I got my mojo back after all the disruption of mid December to mid February.
Unfortunately, or maybe providentially, I didn't remember the calm, prophetic view I had just 6 weeks prior. My meltdown in 13.2 changed it all for me.
A few thoughts in summary:
1) It's all mental.
2) Knowing you need to change your life doesn't make it easy.
3) In the end we are always better than we were before. And if we're not better, then it's not the end. But "better" isn't defined by a score board.
4) Sometimes we have more good in our lives than we can hold at a time, and in order to embrace new gifts we have to put something down, but that doesn't mean it's gone forever.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
-"same love" from macklemore, etc.
"I can't change, even if I tried. even if I wanted to...." It struck me. Well, you know, that is true.
This is not an accusation or a judgement on any one, and it's not about being gay. or not. or "human rights." Really it's just about life.
So. I heard this song and it makes me think about life, truth, the meaning of it all...
I like to think about those things even though I don't come to some great cure all answer. ever.
Any way, It struck me. It's true "I CAN'T CHANGE."
Not really truly, deeply, not of my own power.
I can't save myself. But most of the time I do try to do just that. I try to change how I feel, what I think, what my habits are... and sometimes it works for a little while, but of my own power, it never lasts.
I'm cool with all my messy sh*z though (sometimes anyway, when my pride scoots out of the way)
Because I know who can change me, who can save me from myself and all dangers that draw me. It's only that power, that Spirit in me that allows me to do any good, to experience deliverance and freedom, or to just be ok that I'm messy. It's OKAY- it doesn't mean that my messy is really actually tidy and right or anything. It just means I'm not alone, and the mess isn't what matters.
Any way... that is tangent city. Returning to the point:
It's just interesting to me that it's the same story since nearly the beginning of humanity I think. Human nature knows it was created for greatness if only seen as through a cloudy glass. We know we were made for love. We search for it by many means. I think that's why there is a little truth in every fallacy... because if there wasn't not many would buy the lie it's packaged in, and then where would the devil's triumph be?