Thursday, March 29, 2012

Gratitude - part 2

Have I really only done one Gratitude post?? Ok. Well, I'm fixing that right now.
My life is overflowing with goodness, and it seems like a necessity in my lenten resolution, "Don't be a Jerk" to acknowledge it.  Besides, if I don't get it out I might explode.  Or worse... forget.

to which I must answer, "Heck yes I will!"

1) I did it.  Crossfit Regionals here I come.  I didn't just make top 60 either friends. I finished 24th in SoCal. That's bananas. 

2)  I get daily motivation from my former 4229 roommate - every day through the open she helped me believe in myself and get my head on straight, ready and driving to succeed - Including little gems like this one...

3) My whole crew at Crossfit 760 is the best - even when I have melt downs ending in a DNF and crying on the gym floor.   They love me anyway and still think I'm super.  I'm so grateful I'm surrounded by people waiting for me to succeed.  So many out there are surrounded by peops waiting for them to fall - but maybe that's just because that's what they put out to the world.  No lie, peops,  when you send love and gratitude out into your world, you will find it.  St. John of the Cross knew what he was talking bout.

Yep, showed you this before. Still true.

PS "Princess" is kicking butt finishing grad school right now. Stud!

4) I got flowers!!! Such love.  I don't care if it IS cliche; Nothing says you love me like beautiful fragrant flowers. Thanks, Princess! 
These are the kind of awesome thoughtful people I have in my life.  I am not that person - so it makes it especially humbling and me especially grateful.

5) God KNOWS. He knows, He cares. He's got my back.  Winning or losing or whatever.
There's a bigger plan, and it's a good one.
At the moment, I have a touch of tendonitis or something that flared up quite unkindly 2 weeks ago. I was still able to kick heiny in the final work out, and now I am resting. and resting. and resting it.
While this is not exciting - I am taking a grateful moment and choosing to trust. It IS exciting to know that God sees the bigger picture. He sees how it will all end, and I can choose to relax, go with what is, do what I can, and know all things work together for good. 

Monday, March 19, 2012

Four out of Five 2012

So. who's tired?  Everyone.  That's what it looks like from this angle.
There's one week left in the crossfit open for 2012, and the fatigue is permeating the atmosphere.
I took almost a whole weekend of rest and still Monday finds me feeling apathetic and exhausted.

What to do when you burn out on striving for your goals:

Step One:  Breathe.

Step Two: Take a break and do something you love. that makes you smile and fills your heart.  for me that's: Dance right now. or the beach when the sun returns.

Step Three: Remember, you love this. No matter what the outcome is. Breathe THAT in.

Step Four:  Stay in the present.  Where you are right at this moment is where you are.  That is okay. Don't worry about next week or month or all the what if's.  Do what you need to do today.

Meanwhile, get rest and remember you did not get to the point where you are overnight.  You will not lose it over night.  Give your body what it's asking for, and just start moving again on your journey... with a smile and a full heart. No excuses or fears. Just do it.

Finally, for my crossfitters in the open right now, check out Katie Hogan's tips.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Waiting & Wishing & Hoping & Dreaming... with Muscle ups

Hold the gasoline friends, because I am on FIRE!
Seriously. I've crossed three more goals off my list since posting last week, including the ever elusive muscle up!

It's not pretty, and I know it wouldn't count in competition, but so what! It's a huge step forward!

I'm not going to lie.  I turned into super sad sauce after this victory.  Which of course led to some introspection, because why should a long hoped for accomplishment make me sad???

I realized that there's a part of me that never thought it would happen.  There's a part of me that believes my hopes and dreams will never be accomplished.  And this victory brought that broken hearted part of me to the surface.  The part I hold quietly tucked in the corner, not wanting to give a voice.  The part that has been afraid to dream, to aspire, to love, to risk.  I think it was good for me to let that part of my heart break, or just to express it's brokenness, and to let it be consoled by a dream fulfilled, one goal accomplished that has been a repeated failure for 2 yrs.
Dramatic? meh. maybe, but that's my heart for you.
It was one way that God was telling me my heart matters to Him - in a way, through experience, he let my heart feel the reality of a truth my mind accepted on faith long ago:
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11

He is with me.  The littlest things matter to Him. It's not about winning; it's about believing, and about becoming whole. Wholey who I was made to be - holy.

So.. carrying this theme out into other areas of my life- particularly my single state - there is someone for me.  I will find him.  God is not holding out on me, or punishing me for past sins.  He's preparing me for the best. 

When I heard this song, I kind of thought it will be the theme song when I finally find that some one.   "I have died every day, waiting for you."  Every day that I've chosen to be chaste, to be patient, to not settle, I died to a cheaper desire... hoping and trusting that I will receive the real thing one day.  I am waiting for an authentic love, and my best friend.  I love him, even though I don't even know him yet.  And some days it does feel like I've been waiting 1000 yrs.

In the meantime, I get to see the fruit of my effort and labor and sacrifice in the crossfit world each day... there's something tangible.  Here's my mantra against all the thoughts that tell me I'm going to blow it, that I'm not enough, that it's all going to fall apart....

Watch me :)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Follow up on Crossfit Goals 2012

We all have our ups and downs.  Our "on" times and "off" times, but I'm rejoicing in setting my mind and choosing to "not let victory go to my head, nor failure go to my heart." - and from that place of power watch limits and walls break before me.

I received a challenge at the beginning of this year.  Blind sided, my personal goals for the crossfit games season changed.   At first, the thought of trying to qualify through the crossfit open for regionals as an individual was laughable.  Literally, I LAUGHED when a teammate and coach said they'd like to see me make it on my own. 

Then I set my heart on it.  I dared to hope and put it out to the world that I wanted and was aiming for something so bold - top 60 in SoCal. 
In making this delcaration, and as we began the open, I surrendered my paralyzing fear of failure.

If I don't make it, so what?  I will be better for having tried.  I will be better for having put my heart out there and laid it all on the line. At least I will know that I did all that I could, and I will be stronger than ever before. So if I fall flat on my face and finish last in the end of this, but I fought to give my all, to be my all, to not play small or hide.  I will be no less glorious than if I finish first.

And presently, I am so thrilled and so humbled by where this journey, and  the daring to surrender the fear of failure, has taken me. 

It is with great excitement that I give my progress report for my 2012 crossfit specific goals.  Only two months into the year I have crossed off 8 goals!!  Several of these have been walls I kept running my head into for the past year or more... Hello handstand pushups!  I still have so much to improve, but seeing progress is a great encouragement.

I added a few to the list (in red) from my initial goals.

2 Months into 2012 Crossfit Goals: 
Shoulder Press 100#  (5 more #)
Deadlift 265#
Back Squat 235# (5 more #)
Squat Clean 160#, but if I can power clean it, I'll take that too! (5 more #)
Jerk 155# (10 more #)
Snatch 115# (5 more #) I got 120# !!
400m run 1:10
500m row 1:50
500m row 1:45
2 Handstand Pushups full ROM
1:20 Hanstand Hold (wall)
1 Muscle up on rings
4 Bar Muscle ups
25 hand release pushups
Max pullups 35
Max ringdips 15
Max ringdips 20
Hanstand Walk 5 ft.
Handstand Walk 3 yds.
Max L sit 45 sec
Max L sit 60 sec
Top 60 in SoCal for the Crossfit Open