Friends, I'm thinking about my life, as usual. And hoping you might help me assess and maybe share your own stories or gain insight for your situation? Ever wonder why are you where you are in your life?
I am single. Pretty much always single. This is surprising sometimes, and sometimes, not at all. And even though all I have ever aspired to be is a wife and a mom - I remain single so,
The question is "what's the problem?" What do I do to fix it? Do I even want to fix it? While I want to love and be loved, want a companion in life, I see a few setbacks.
Points of observation:
1) I'm Perfect.
ha! At least I'd like people to think and know only lovely things about me. So if I keep everyone at a safe distance - they will only see smiles, sweetness, and encouragement. Even though I really want to be known and loved, imperfections and all.
2) My Faith is the most important thing in my life and being.
The Catholic Church may be the largest single religion on earth, but we are just an enormous disfunctional family, each with a different idea of the way things should be done, and all with different gifts and charisms AND when we limit the number of Catholics to those who are male, single, between ages 28-38, mentally stable, and committed to at least trying to practice the faith we preach, that severely limits my options. Add to that the restriction of finding a mutual attraction and, well, it doesn't leave much, and then where does one meet them? leading to...
3) I don't meet men.
I'm not exaggerating much when I say all I do is work and crossfit. All I do is work and crossfit. And I work pretty much alone. And crossfit? failing me as a matchmaking service. I don't know why. Other than Point 2, and What? snot, spit, sweat, and grunting aren't attractive in a woman??
4) I love my life.
I have a great time entertaining myself and keep very busy. But maybe I even hide behind busy so I don't have to face being alone or so I have an excuse against those I do not want to spend time with... this could mean I don't know how to make room for a relationship because I'm generally content as is. Work, Church, Crossfit, the friends I already have... this is more than enough to do all of them well...
4) Career? What's that?
Don't get me wrong, I work to fund my life, but I don't think I could care much less about "making something of myself" (see point 4). I perceive this as something that responsible adult males would not prefer in a life partner - especially those that have been spending all their time making money and building their career, while have been snowboarding, crossfitting, testing out various sports, and travelling the world. I am very attractive to the equivolently flighty, but if we are both fun driven more than job driven that will be a problem don't you think? so maybe I keep a double standard - I want someone with more talent for making a living while still having fun than me.
so what's the problem? What is changeable and what is not? What do you think, friends? If you've landed a fairytale relationship without sacrificing your values and sense of self, send me your secrets!! Or should I just accept that I am a spinster. A fun, kind hearted, bad ass, charming, but lone star spinster.
Reading your #2 it occurred to me that I used to do that math too. With all the requirements factored in, finding the perfect match seemed akin to the calculations astronomers use to marvel at the miracle (okay, they wouldn't use that word) of earth providing the perfect mix of parameters to support life. But in a way the difficulty of finding that combination you need is almost a blessing. How will you know who is perfect for you if your definition of a perfect match is so wide open that anyone would fit the bill?
ReplyDeleteOf course there is no "perfect" in this world (except when you're Jemane and the recycling has been sorted and there's nothing on TV and mother in law is not visiting--then conditions are perfect for business time) but still I think it actually helps to be able to narrow down the field. I always wonder how people who aren't religious manage to known they are right for each other. Not that narrowing the field down to roughly 500 million people (minus married minus too young/old) is all that helpful but at least it's a start.
As for the career vs fun thing I think that (fairly or unfairly) it matters less to men seeking women than vice versa. Men still expect to be the breadwinner. Which is not to say it doesn't matter who you are or what you bring to the table. Just that maybe a lack of career/get-ahead orientation isn't a fatal flaw. I imagine there are responsible adult males who might consider that a deal breaker but if so I guess they aren't the ones for you.