Monday, November 1, 2010

Balancing Act

The title of this blog is "life in the balance" - the image brings me back to my old school science days with the little balance and weight system...  you have something you need to weigh on the left or right and on the other side you have a plate that you have to add weights to, when it's perfectly level you've found the mass of the substance you are weighing.  If only I could bring my life to balance so easily.

It is constantly teetering to one side or another. As soon as I even think I might  have leveled it out, life changes and new variables are introduced. Back to work I go.  I'm not complaining!  Not at all!
I want life to keep changing, because I know God has more for me and changes are channels for Him to give it.  Besides I might get bored to be always the same.
It is a challenge to embrace the adventure at times rather than just feeling lost, BUT here's to adventure any way! ... just one day at a time.

I know that my life needs some tweaking.  It's not something I can just think the answer to, it's something I have to experiment to find.  Trial and error.

Diet is just one thing: I posted my latest nutrition plan - no alcohol, no sugar, no legumes, no grains, no dairy, as much as possible nothing processed.  It may seem extreme, but I needed extreme!  I felt a little out of control.  I felt like I needed to be stripped.  I needed "lent in the Fall"  - sacrifice that would empty me and refocus me.  I really felt the effects of the way I was eating/drinking before, and that my will power was weak.  Inside some thing just screamed - "Stop! I can't keep abusing my body like this." 

Now the hard part is over, my body has mostly adjusted to eating this way.  I don't feel that out of control-ness anymore.

Check out this Freedom Moment:  I served cake and icecream at a friend's birthday party.  I joyfully declined having some myself, but in serving I got frosting on my fingers and when it was all done I didn't even lick it off ... that sweet sweet frosting...  to you the idea of licking your fingers may be gross, but to me friends, it was a habit and a temptation, and to just let it go, that was beautiful!  To say "no thank you" to things and really mean it! To be able to let others enjoy it and I don't need it ... it's not even really a sacrifice.  This is a freedom!

So while there are so many good things with this new lifestyle, there is a part of me that is warned - BALANCE.  I don't want food to control my life. I don't want training to control my life.  I don't want work to control my life.  (Oh and the big one: I don't want fear of others' opinion or disappointment to control my life.)  How do I strive for greatness, how do I continue to sincerely work to be my best without losing the balance?

That, my friends, is the adventure.  This month has had some excruciating moments, particularly in taking the step to say "no" to things.  No, to competing in an event I had been excited about for months.  No, my pastor's invitation to more involvement at church. No, to my current training regimen.  Saying no at the time (and still in some cases) was uncomfortable and very sad.  It was painful to let go of opportunities.  But my heart just wouldn't let me be happy otherwise - not really happy.  So I've taken some steps of faith in letting go and trusting my heart more.  Already, I've gotten some blessings for the steps - I didn't compete, but I got to judge.  I didn't get shunned or chastised for not helping at church (I'm sure I will be plenty involved enough).  I am risking a bit with changing my training regimen, but today I got to roll around on rings like I was 6 yrs old at the playground... and they call it a work out?!  How fun!  My heart is glad :) and I am so so so excited to see where the journey will lead. one. day. at. a. time...

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