Monday, April 18, 2011

Crossfit Games Open 4

Week 4
AMRAP 10 min.
60 Burpees facing bar (jumping over the barbell b/t reps)
30 Overhead Squats @90#
10 muscle ups

Background: 6am Monday morning presented me with a workout, seemingly harmless enough, but as the day wore on I felt certain I'd re-injured my lower back.  The drama grew in my mind.  I was hurt. That was it.  I would take care of myself and do what I could to recover, but I had little hope that I would be able to continue in this competition and contribute any more.
I emailed Coach who responded, "Are you sure it's hurt and not just really sore?"
1st small miracle of the week: I did not rebel at these words.  Instead, I let them have their place amidst the toxic thoughts and conceded, maybe it's REALLY sore.
Smart coach.  I ended up having to take two rest days.  One planned and the other due to a sudden illness.
Thursday, still exhausted and still sore, I returned to the gym with my box of tissues in hand.
It turns out everyone had the pain of walking and sitting and general misery that I had.  It was a brutal workout for backs gym wide, not just mine. 
Still my week felt 'wasted' in recovery and virtually the whole week passed with me barely working out at all.  The reality is, I was sore and sick and I took two rest days.
Amazing contrast.

Setting:  Sunday morning (this offends me on multiple levels as Sunday and Morning should have me no where but home in my PJ's)
It's the  last chance to post a time for the workout, and I have bided my time all week trying to get fit to perform my best.  The girls have all done worse than hoped for,  and two of them were redoing it with me.

3-2-1 Go!
I plugged away through the burpees. Not so bad.  Thank God now for those 100 burpees for time WOD's, and all the burpee's Brian had us do at CFBD.  All three of us girls finished the burpees in the 4 min range.
That left over half my time for 30 overhead squats.  Breathe and go.
snatch 11.... clean and jerk  10.... 8.... 2....  and done.  I had 90seconds to try to get a muscle up! and.... FAIL ;) 

60 burpees
30 Overhead Squats
= 90 reps and 1st place girl score for the gym.

Something happened this week.  I think it was SURRENDER.  Not resignation. 
1st.  Despair and resignation knocked.
2nd. I accepted my limitations. I was disappointed, but I did not resign myself to being defined by the injury or illness.  I persevered, which meant stepping back, taking a break, taking care of myself and putting myself back out there to be tested.  It could have gone differently.  I could have been truly injured.  I could have needed more rest, or irritated the injury, but it didn't go that way.  Each step I submitted to letting things be what they were AT THAT MOMENT.  one step at a time.
3rd.  The purpose of this competition changed for me.  I think I started with my own worth to prove.  My own competitive appetite to feed.  It tore me apart that first week, because I felt that I was not enough.
Over the weeks, it has become less about me and more about the team. 
Somewhere along the line the need to prove something got shut out.  It's still present in me. I know it.  I feel it, but it has no power.   I can't explain it.
I want to do well, because I want the team to do well.
If at the end of these 6 weeks, I did not go onto regionals and the team did.   I think I would be perfectly pleased. 

Maybe I'm just tired.  This has been hard and long.  I mean, really, are you tired of hearing about it yet?  Because I am a little tired of it being my life (well that and work... but we don't talk about that.)

Whatever the factors that led to this point, it's a pretty amazing place to me.  It's a simple place.  It's a humble place.  I wouldn't call it a relaxed or entirely free place, but it seems good.

And a side note cool thing is that each week I have done better.  The first week I didn't make the top three for our girls.  The second I pulled the 3rd highest score, and the last two weeks I have managed the highest score.  It doesn't mean much except these last two weeks were strong points for me and weaker points for our other girls.  This week and next are bound to present my weaker points and the challenge remains: Let things be what they are at this moment and persevere.

No rest for the weary.  Tomorrow without any prep or planning I'll have to face Week 5.  Ready or not. 
Thanks for all the support!!  Don't worry guys. It'll be over soon and then we can be friends again right?

1 comment:

  1. You are such a champ for doing ANY of these WODs! They all look nuts! Proud of you!