Saturday, January 19, 2013

Reorganizing Priorities

2012 was a life changing year.... and I've failed to document half of it.

Sorry gang. And really that's not much happening in this post either.
This space seems to be more about reflections, and I have some that are close to my heart right now.

Two things: Crossfit & Chris.

Crossfit has nearly consumed my blogging efforts from the beginning... then came Chris.
Who, apart from one or three references, has been absent from text as I let our journey unfold quietly.

But it's private no more :) we're engaged!
Whirlwind of a year, right?!
There I was plugging away at all my crossfit ambitions and God dropped this person right into the middle of it. Literally - We met at regionals after he judged me on event 4.  We had our first "date" at the crossfit games. And the last 6 months have been learning to let this love grow in the midst of all "my plans".

Funny. In search of a little reminder and motivation for the crossfit side of life I dug this up From the archives.
I needed to remember why I do this. I needed to reset my head in how I'm defining victory and success.
But I didn't find what I was looking for - I found why I was meant to do this last year.
Is it possible all of that was to bring me to the place where I was ready to meet the man I'm going to marry?
If I hadn't been competing that weekend, divine intervention aside, we would not have met.

There's some pretty mind blowing - stars aligning - details to our story. The way all the pieces were set, at the time they were set, that make it work just right that we would work.  If it had been at another time or place in either of our lives we would not have been a match. I'm pretty sure of that. Because you know, life affects us. Changes and molds us.  All those experiences made us who we are today - what we needed to be ready to embark on a life together from here on out, til death do us part.

Here's the thing. And this is where the "SHOULDS" have got me in frequent distress.
But in this time that should be SO EXCITING I find myself most often overwhelmed. and then it overwhelms me that I'm overwhelmed. because really I have pretty much nothing but goodness in my life.
You'd think I have no faith at all.

In all the stressors the biggest culprit is crossfit. Not crossfit for fitness sake. Crossfit in what I have made it - Crossfit in what it has become in my life. I have put so much empahasis on my goals there.
So much time, energy, blood, sweat, tears, so much of my purpose. It's become my purpose.
And that's just so wrong.  Is it time to set about smashing idols in my life?

I've questioned so many times in the past if I was putting too much value on it. And I never discerned that I was. There just was no other answer.
Now there is another answer.
It has to come second (actually 3rd....I've been leaving my job stress out of this equation... but paying the bills is important, and my work is very important).  And I just don't think having it as 3rd place in my life is going to be enough to earn me top 10 in So Cal this year.

If I could have lunch with any crossfit competitor and pick their brains it would be Val Vobril or Lindsey Smith - both working mamas and seriously amazing athletes. I want to know how they do it?
I want to know where their heart is as regards winning and losing and how they define it?  I want to know what competing means to them.  Somehow I think that almost every person at the Games has a story about how they balance life.

This whole concept of competing is relatively new to me. Until this endeavor I've never set my sight 'to win'.  Am I operating under some false notion of what it takes?  Is it time to redefine my goals?
I think so.   Of one thing I'm certain, the way I'm approaching my life right now, is not the person I want to be.  Changes are coming.
You'll see.

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