Wednesday, September 5, 2012

What if it's hard?

Sometimes I don't think I give credit to the "hardness" of "what I do"...
all this training nonsense ya know?  It doesn't seem like such a big deal.
I just do it. There is no other way.  I have a fire burning that drives me.


Not so much with the fire and 2nd nature business today.

I 'hurt' my neck last week. Of course, I have been kicking so much crossfit booty lately my brain had no problem accepting that I must be invincible and destined to climb and climb to the heights of my lofty goals... Long story short I pushed it until it was in-ignorable, leading to 5 full rest days... 5 FULL REST DAYS.
Chump change right?  When many people may not even remember the last time they 'worked out'.

For me, for the goals I have, the progress I've made, the volume I've been training... 5 days is kind of a big deal.  I get ONE, one day a week that I do nothing related to training, MAYBE two if I'm totally smoked.
That is what my program allows.  Breaking from the program to rest and recover I felt broken and defeated. I felt sad. I feared the loss of the momentum I had gained.
But I rested and then became reluctant to return, timid about my limits and recovery,
And down right FATIGUED as I tried to get back to the routine.

As I got moving again, my brain immediately processed the following message:
"This sucks. It hurts. I'm tired. It's uncomfortable."
This is why I didn't want a break. I was afraid it would come to this. 

And I realized, "gosh, this is why people DON'T work out."  (it may be one reason anyway.)
They show up and it's hard, it's all of those things I said and more.
And the will just screams, I DON'T WANT TO! 
Doesn't it?

Mine does. I really don't want to, I don't "feel" like it.  I'm embarassed and sad that I'm only doing half of what I "should" be doing (PS. BRILLIANT POST BY FOLLOWHOLLY ON THIS POINT & more).... but there are things I want more than I don't want to expose myself to this yucky feeling.  Things I want more than listening to the voice that whispers, "there's really no need for this, now is there?"
Don't you have those things too?

More than you hate the current discomfort,
          and how much you want to convince yourself that it's not really that important,
                   or isn't going to make that much of a difference,
                               or you are just not made for exercise, 
                                          or you have to much to do,
                                                          or you'll do it tomorrow,
                                                                   or you are destined to fail any way,
or what ever the excuse (and they really are all excuses).

More than all those things... there's a reason you DO want to follow through.
Don't your kids (or future kids) deserve to have a healthy mom/dad?  Who will be there with them for the long run?   What about your spouse or significant other? What would you like to be for them?
Don't YOU deserve to feel better, more energetic, more confident, happier with your accomplishments, that You didn't give up?? 

well. and there you have it from the poet himself.
I don't know where this came from, but I don't make any $ here. so...
It's fine right?

As I sat on the rower, counting down the meters,
I was thinking about all these things, remembering how hard it was in the beginning, how hard it is RIGHT NOW, and negotiating with myself to find the will.

Having goals and fighting for them is worth it.  
It DOES matter.
AND it matters so much more when it takes a sacrifice.

One day at a time, I'll show up. I'll work my way back.
I'll choose to be patient with myself, while calling myself out and fighting not to make excuses for what I could do because I am afraid it will suck (not injure me, just suck).  I'll choose not to compare myself with others and where they are.  Not to compare myself with myself and where I have been, or where I feel I should be. (Thanks again Holly. Seriously read her post if you want some jedi mind tricks).

We all face these kind of days.  These kinds of hurdles.
You all motivate me not to give up.
This isn't just about picking up from little set backs.
It's about also being courageous to make a change if you need one.
Because It will be hard... some times more than others.
But without a doubt,
You are worth it!

1 comment:

  1. You're the sweetest! And also super awesome, so don't let the compare-o game get ya down. You inspire me all the time.