Food Explorations of Late

Frazier Farms sells a knock off vegan 'cheese'.
I gave into curiosity and decided to try it.
DON'T DO IT!!
We are not surprised.
It's vegan, and it calls itself cheese,
how could it possibly be anything good?

What you see here friends is an interesting exploration in something like pizza... oh and a delicious salad.
Why don't I eat more salad??

So the "pizza" crust was made from eggs and cashew butter mostly, and it was okay.  A little weird but I ate the whole thing (no surprises there!)

I topped it with a marinara sauce and lots of delicious veggies:
peppers, mushrooms, spinach, onions.
And that weird excuse for cheese.
Mea culpa, Mea culpa.

Next up:  Greens and Beets and Curry, oh my!

I've never cooked collard greens, but know it would benefit me to eat more leafy greens... always.
Simultaneously, I made an adventurous purchase of beets.

So what to do?

Saute them up with mushrooms, onions, and top with Trader Joe's Panang Curry Tuna??

Ok. so that's what we did. (Notice we, means me, but you get it now).

Not bad, really.  It was colorful, and curry makes everything delicious.




So a few things I can definitely recommend from the last month:

1) Trader Joes' stir fry veggies and their curry tuna!  So good for a fast meal.
2) Cold leftover roasted veggies and chicken for breakfast.... Don't Judge me. It's been surprisingly delish
3) Kale Salads - so so good you guys.  The trick is to mix it up with a citrus/oil dressing and let it marinade for a hour or more before eating.  Absolutely can not go wrong with raisins, fresh squeezed orange and, Evvo.  yummy.
4) Home made granola!  I used this as a guideline.  Seriously can not make it again for a while.  I have pushed past common sense on the amounts of food I have been eating, and this maddening thrill for my munchies doesn't help me keep my intake to reasonable levels.
5)  Apple Cinnamon muffins and cake, oh my!!  This was my go by-ish.

Tomorrow begins lent, and my body is SOOOO ready to get back to being fed real food and in moderation.
Mardi Gras has been my excuse for treats that made my heart happy while my head ached and my body has been on break down.  I really couldn't take another day of the junk - but getting off the crack is not going to come easily.

Who's your fictional character?

Now that I've given you the LOTR reference, and an insight to my inner jerk, maybe you will see more clearly that my character in that movie is...

Yes! This guy. It's true. We are the same.  Gollum! Not that I killed my cousin for the precious, but you never know, I might and then I'd let myself be driven crazy with the desire for it.
Can you really be surprised why I am so concerned with being balanced?? He's not even really one person is he? But I have that gollum like dialogue going on with myself sometimes. 

Let's consider the words of Gandalf, Gollum "hates and loves the ring, as he hates and loves himself." That pretty much sums up my character comparison.  I am in one shot the most vain and selfish person (case in point Spartan Race: Get out of my way people!  I have to do what I have to do!!) but also the most severe critic and enemy of myself - Dragging myself away from freedom and life, stealing the joy from my victories, keeping myself feeling worthless and captive.

I don't think I'm alone in this really.  After all if pop culture is any indication of the broken human person... it's all over the place.
Observe:
Gaga "Baby I was born this way"
Natasha Beddingfield "So strip me, strip it all away... I'm only one voice in a million, but you ain't taking that from me."
Cristina Aguilera "I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down..."
and my latest favorite Pink, "Don't you ever ever feel like you are less than perfect."
Do you have some more to add for us?

I love that stuff. I jam out in my car.  But LBH (uh hello, let's be honest), friends,  it seems a little like we are over compensating for our shame with the defense of our goodness.  You are Perfect? really?

I'm tired of destroying myself.  Really I am, but I'm also tired of being her...

Long before I realized I am Gollum... I recognized myself in Scarlett O Hara... and immediately started praying for mercy.  Dear God save me from myself.
She leaves a trail of admirers in her wake.  She never loves and appreciates what she has. She stays fixated on what she wants.  Her life is a journey in tragedy, mostly of her own making, and probably because she thought she was 'perfect'.

Gollum and Scarlett,  they are such tragic characters.
I suppose the beauty in this connection I am making with them is recognizing the truth and letting it be what it is...  This solution, this beauty, this grace, is not nearly so dramatic or epic - and I definitely connect to life in epic terms - but I do believe it's part of the path to freedom.
I'm talking about humility.  Humility is who we are before God - nothing more and nothing less.

Instead I build myself up as more or tear myself down as less.  Why is it so hard to be stripped?

To just be what we are, no excuses, no hiding the greatness in us, no belittling our gifts, but no pumping them up either.
No sugar coating our sins and weaknesses so we don't feel as bad about them, but staring them straight on.  Man (or Woman) enough to say yes, I did that. I'm sorry. Repent and move on without beating ourselves up or  thinking our actions control our worth.
And on the flip side, facing our sins and weaknesses for what they are... admitting it rather than covering it over and pretending it's really okay, "I am perfect just the way I am, mistakes I made them, and that's all okay, I'll keep doing what I want to do" so let me persist in my pride to my tragic end and never admit that I did it to myself...

Is it so hard just being who we are, good and bad, and recognizing we are loved immensely... and letting that love transform our lives?
Hard or not I think it's worth the challenge.  And the cool part is everyday is a choice.  Everyday we can change what we think.  As much as I can see in myself the tragedy of Gollum and Scarlett, I can also see the courage, strength and determination of Eowyn - a warrior princess.

She didn't conform to the role she was given; she was faithful to the desires of her heart.
Maybe she didn't get what she thought she wanted in the end, but she did find love, and she was the only one who could have done what she did.  None of those men could have killed the Nazgul.

That's who I'd like to be - chopping the heads off evil monsters, yeah!! :)
What about you?

Skinny Girl, Strong Girl - cheats and triumphs

Have you guys seen this?  Skinnygirl Margaritas.
1g of carbs/oz.

Rob Wolf gives a recipe for the "norcal margarita" in his book the Paleo Solution.  He offers it as a decent alcohol choice for the modern caveman or woman for those happy hour kind of days.
I ordered it by halves one time and it was pretty good, but I am not confident in the distinction between carbonated water and club soda or tonic water that have all sorts of sugars in them.

I came across this Skinnygirl option in the liquor store and decided to give it a go for a party...I mean it says on the label SKINNYGIRL after all, and don't we all want to be skinny girls if we are not?  (and strong girls if we are skinny... and short if we are tall, or tall if we are short, etc, etc...)

I admit this beverage became a gateway for many more glasses of alcohol in my life the last two weeks - leaving me not at all a skinny girl.

While it was tasty, I can't truly recommend it.  Next time, I may just splurge on the bottle of Patron Silver. But that next time will be a long way away.

So. yes, I went ahead and called my latest "Paleo Challenge" a wash... I gained weight (daily eating more nuts than a squirrel could dream of or my stomach chould really handle). But Really, I have bigger things in life to worry about right now than 5 lbs and how my non-existent six pack is not coming along.  So, I hope you won't mind, but I don't expect to have fun updates on that front for another while.
In the meantime, I will share with you my STRONG GIRL feats for the last month...

3 mile run = sub 20 min. 
PR Snatch = 95 lbs
PR Clean & Jerk = 130 lbs
PR 3 rep Dead lift = 195 lbs
PR "Annie" 50-40-30-20-10 double unders and situps = 5:34
AND I can now serve overhand in Volleyball :)

SO, I may not be a skinny girl, but I am getting stronger, faster, and more coordinated... apparently!
This is me sticking it to my jeans, my scale, body fat tests, and media in general.  F-off!

Spartan for a Day

I'm sure many decision makers thought, "Hey Southern California is great place to host a race in February! The weather is always nice there!"  And then Feb 26th arrived with snow in the mountains and cold rain in the hills, as the scene for the Super Spartan Race in Temecula.

Honestly, it was gross. It seriously could have been MUCH worse, but who cares about that when what you are facing is just not looking so great.  Thank God for crazy new girlfriends who are warriors... I don't think I would have been able to do it if they weren't there.

It was cold, wet, and intimidating.  There were over 1200 people entered to run apparently, though maybe 200 in our heat?? I really have no clue about crowd sizes and numbers.
In the first 50 yds we had inhaled a bunch of smoke, hopped over a fire, and splashed through a quite oversized puddle... to face a LONG LARGE ascent.

I was the one in our small group that had "never run 8 miles in my life!"  Yet as we began something came over me.  I couldn't hang back with my friends.  I had to run.  I had to power up that hill while I had strength to do it.... and so I did... hill after hill after hill, bounding up, but mostly DOWN with reckless abandon.  I didn't see my friends again for about 3 hours, after we had all been long finished with the race.

Guys, It felt like a scene from Lord of the Rings at parts... you know this one....

where they are running and running for days across country.  It felt like that except with a lot more people and single track, much steeper trails.  I don't know what flipped inside me but I wanted to give my best.  I wanted to RUN, even though I kind of hate running, and when people were blocking my path it made me want to go even more.  I had little patience for being held up behind a long line of people on a single track trail who were walking... so I leaped over and through the vegetation and around them as often as I could.

I know this makes me sound like a jerk, but maybe I AM a jerk... when it's my turn to play, when I get my competitive spark, when I think, "I can DO this!" - friends, I love you, but I have to go!
I wanted to see what I could do, & I wanted to CONQUER it!

and In my opinion, I did :)

THAT is my kind of race.  I wouldn't want to do it again, because now I've done it.  But the unknown and unknowable, the "Oh my gosh, I've never done this before", the variety of stimuli and obstacles to overcome - THAT I love.  Another location, different terrain to test and try - I might do that.

So Results, drumroll...
8+ miles of intense hills and mud, wall climbs, barbed wire, weighted hoists, javelin throws, balance beams, and much more....
I finished in 1 hr and 35 minutes!

That put me in the top 20% overall and top 10% of women finishers.
I. was. stoked.

not only did I survive, I triumphed!

It's the beauty and the thrill of finding something you've never tried, that you have no idea that you can actually do, and just doing it.  That's life!  Looking at a wall and finding a way over it.  Facing the sincere risk of failure, and finding you did not fail.  (Maybe you are not the elite, best but you did NOT fail.)  Friends, what risks have you taken?  What triumphs have you savored?  If it's been too long to remember - get a challenge!  It's good for the heart.

Paleo/Whole 30 update

At first we hope too much; later on, not enough. - Joseph Roux

2nd round of paleo/whole 30 challenge has been weaker than the first.  I expected great changes with my 1st whole 30 and undertaking of the Paleo lifestyle.  This time, change has been vaguely hoped for, if at all.  That attitude is not bound to produce great results; however, "One need not hope in order to undertake; nor succeed in order to persevere." - William the Silent and that's about all I have on this leg of the journey. 

Today would be day 36... if I were counting, which I'm not. obviously.
I have another 16 days of reporting my meals/drinks to the guys at Crossfit Mobile for their challenge.
Humbling accountability. 

Lent will be my real challenge, my strict faithfulness for the salvation of souls, even though I have only the Lord to report to or check in with, even though there won't be strict measurements, and I won't know the full imperical results.  And you know what? That I am hopeful for, and excited about.  That is a cause I am stoked to take up.

In the meantime let's count the blessings of undertaking and perseverance.
1) God asks that we are faithful in life, not successful. (Mother Teresa)
2) Even though going paleo has come at a time in life that has seen me surrender and accept the need for antidepressants, it doesn't mean my diet is causing my depression.
3) I'm un-sick again!  Have been healthy since the New Year.
4) Allergies:  I spent 5 hours in a cat owner's home on super bowl Sunday and didn't leave thinking I was going to die or be sick for a week.
5) Performance-wise.  Depsite being depressed and feeling generally unmotivated to live.  I'm still putting up respectable results.  I'm finishing workouts even though all I want to do is quit most of the time.
6) I don't FEEL like I'm doing well, I don't feel like eating this way makes a difference, but really it does. If I were more rational and less emotional this would be AWESOME, but then I would be a guy... so umm. I'll stick with what I got.

That's pretty good stuff.

Something off the bucket list

Allow me to share that I have never touched a gun in my life.  But like I approach life, I thought, "ooh that's fun!  I want to go shooting!"  Today was the day, my friends.   Not too shabby, if I say so myself.

The true story: I jumped every time a gun went off in the range.   I held my earphones tight.  I jumped when I shot too.  I got sweaty palms.  It was stressful.  But I think I adjusted pretty well after about 3-5 rounds.

A friend was teaching me. He did a great job, obviously, I mean look at it!  He tried to help my posture, and help me relax, but poor guy, I couldn't help but think, "you are not so smart to try to get close to me when I have a gun in my hands, buddy."  Don't worry, I didn't shoot him.

Food on the Run?

http://www.stevesoriginal.com/

A girl just wants to play

I've been slowing down my angst ... letting go I think to my addiction to crossfit, my fear of missing a day, of falling short, of not improving every moment, all the time.  I couldn't live like that.
I was on a high road to burnoutville and idolotry.
I'm on this journey for life.  I don't think it's to prove myself or make a point.
This path of fitness & diet - it's about life.

Can I tell you a story?
Once upon a time I was just a girl who liked to play.  I played soccer, I played kickball, I played whatever anyone would play with me. I started crossfit in the spring of 2009.  Just for fun.  Okay. it was for a guy really.  That's how God gets me into all sorts of things - youth group, college of choice, & crossfit... sigh..

It was just following my second sprint triathlon, and I thought I wanted to face an olympic distance in the fall. Crossfit would be a good way to get fitter and improve my results (which had been abysmal compared to my first one the fall before). Very quickly I realized crossfit was way way more fun than getting on a bike for a long ride. or running. or swimming. by myself.

I don't like to do things that aren't fun, so I just didn't do much triathlon geared training.
Two months later I did another sprint triathlon.  Without having trained for it, I shaved 2+ minutes off my 5k, and did far better overall than the one in the spring.

I decided that I'd had enough and haven't done another tri since. Crossfit was all I wanted to do.

Why?  Not exactly because the workouts are fun.  They suck quite often, honestly.  It can be brutal and painful.  No, I loved it because it was always changing, and really I loved it for the people.  I had a place I went every day, where we sweat, grunted, and triumphed together.  It gave me goals: I got to see my name in the line up, and I had Rx (prescribed) stars to aim for.  I had friends to try to catch.  It was a fun competitive - not cut throat competitive. And maybe to them I'm just another girl at the gym, but to me they are family.   When we finish grueling workout and some one suggests an extra conditioning kicker, I jump on board.  I always love that we are pushing each other.

Eventually, I even stopped playing soccer.  It took away time from crossfit and occassionally I would get injured at a game or practice and it would set my crossfit training back a few weeks. I didn't want that!

4-5 months of Crossfit
September 2010

I felt so strong, so fit, so fabulous.  I continued to eat whatever I wanted because I trained hard for it.

My clothes were getting a little tighter though....
And so, inspired to trim up, and improve my performance,  I started the Zone Diet.
I did it for lent, because it was the only way I would be faithful to stick through the discipline.  It had to be a fast for something greater than myself.

I didn't really weigh myself.  I didn't pay attention.  I couldn't shop for new clothes for a reward (because I gave that up for lent too.)  Just show up, train hard, and trust the process.   I lost about 17 lbs and became a crossfit animal in a few short months.

About that time I was preparing to move from New Mexico back to California.  Exciting? yes! Terrifying? ... um yes!  I trained harder than ever to deal with my stress of leaving what I had worked so hard to make familiar.  There was Jiu Jitsu at our crossfit box too, so I added that into my program.  (though VERY rarely could my body handle both crossfit and jiu jitsu in the same day).

And then I moved.  Everything was uncertain to me, except that crossfit had become a part of my life and it would remain so.  It had to.  It was my stabilizing force.

After all, crossfit is like Christ; once you put your hand to the plow, there's no turning back.
(This little half truth joke may have been part of where my problems started.)

The idea began to grow in me that maybe crossfit is my calling in life.... I got certified as a level one trainer. If nothing else, maybe I could get a free or discounted membership for helping train.  Because let's be honest. It IS expensive.

A weird thing happened too.  When I moved and looked for a new crossfit home, I was like a big fish. I had been doing this for over a year.  I wasn't the same client that walked in to crossfit rio rancho 15 months prior - the 'ginger kid' that goofed around climbing and playing on the apparatuses.  I was a contender or something.  I'm not used to that.  I started to feel like I had to be something more than I am.
Or maybe I just hoped for what I could be, and set myself up for disaster.

Terrified to let go, feeling I had something to prove, that if crossfit is my life's calling, I better be damn good at it, I tried to make it my life. But it's not. And I'm not damn good at it.  I'm just good at it.

It's a part of my life.  It's important to me.  But it's not my life.
So I began trying to let go a little, ever so little, letting it fall into it's proper place I hope.
And in that I continue to be blessed and blessed:

I get to train with great people, finding that sense of belonging and community again. I'm surrounded by people I can encourage and who encourage and push me. I get to not be the best, but patiently journey toward my best.  I get to not feel like a failure because I still have room to grow.  I get to watch a master at work, beer in hand, as he trains  (did I mention my highschool girl-esque devotion to the super trainer Brian Thurmond?  A man who lets me lift and drop heavy things in his garage.  What's not to love? ;) With the level 1, I get to train myself and friends on my own time just to pay it forward a little bit, expanding my community and seeing others improve too. I have a little room in my budget and time to explore other things and regain my thirst for life and adventure.
Hello Beach Volleyball, Dancing, Bouldering, Gymnastics, and Crazy Obstacle Races!
Ultimately, I just get to continue the pursuit of happiness.

January 2011

Not exactly the way it was in the beginning, when every day is a PR and something to celebrate.  That is harder to come by nearly 2 years later...
But I still have a few in the last few months, including:

120 lb overhead squat
135 lb split jerk
200 lb back squat
85 lb snatch
pistol squats

with more to come!

AND the diet... my body and my curves were pretty fine with me.  I felt right sexy. Blessed to be one who gains weight pretty proportionately, I didn't feel like I looked bad.  However, looking back I can see there is a difference, and I can feel the difference.  The Paleo diet has done it's work in helping my arms shred out - showing off the musculitas beneath.  But also it's the hips... I feel like a tree trunk some times because I do have a strong and thick core; however my hips are narrower.  Sometimes when I see myself in the mirror I'm surprised at how they look.  I don't see myself that way.
I'm not skinny, but my body shape has changed a little.  It is definitively athletic, and not because I was born that way.
So here's me checking in, checking up.  Sharing a little more of my story with you on my journey.

Back to my Average Joe life of "I'm not ok, you're not ok, but that's ok" - white goodman, Dodgeball.

Zucchini "Lasagna"

My Favorite from Wicked Appetite

Six pack experiment - month 3

So here we go... Why abs?  Check the starting point.  

Then one month.

Now here's months 2 and 3.

I've been considering calling the experiment a wash and call Mark Sisson full of it... but maybe it just takes a little extra work and diligence?  Maybe it's true, 6 packs are genetic and some people will just never have them.  Maybe I have thick eskimo skin?? 

I'm going to give the core training just a very little more attention and see how that goes.  And I've committed so I'm in for the Paleo challenge another few weeks, leaving me one week Mardi Gras indulgence before the strict fasting for lent.  Next thing you know we'll be at 6 months!

But I'm jumping ahead. Here we are...

Month 2 is right after Christmas with my rum cake and alcohol... uhm... how shall we say... indulgences? followed by flu where I lost 3 lbs.

Month 3 I have easing back up to training hard and back to strict clean eating and gained those lbs back. 

looking a little bloated in the gut. 

Jan 3, 2011
2 month comparison

Jan 31, 2011
3 month comparison