What happened while I was busy training?

It's been over three years since I first walked through the doors of my local crossfit gym in Rio Rancho NM, just after my 30th birthday.

I don't know if I could do a single pullup.  I certainly remember starting out with the big black band for assistance.
I had never really had any experience with a barbell, and wasn't eager for a closer acquaintance.
I would go to the gym in the middle of the day, when the fewest people were there, so it was less intimidating.

I certainly remember being intimidated.
I remember the first time someone stayed through the class to cheer and encourage us.
I remember how this attention and care strengthened me.

Crossfit. We sweat together. We suffer together. We dig for our best together.
A lot has been written about it. Why we love it, why it becomes part of our lives, but that is not what this post is about. This post is just a reflection back on the beginning and stepping outside myself to look at today. 

I had no idea in the beginning how much I would suffer, how HARD I would fight, how much I would risk. 
I also had no idea how much I would gain.

Today,
I'm that girl.
That girl that totally intimidated me.
That girl that awed and wowed me.
That girl with those muscles and definition I dismissed as genetics when I saw them on others.
That girl throwing up crazy amounts of weight for a 3x5.
That girl straining and grunting like the boys.
That girl I never thought about being,
but that girl I AM.

Somewhere along the way, I decided I LOVED this stuff. I loved pushing my limits every day. 
I didn't think or bother to care about WHAT I'd become if I threw myself in the crucible of digging for my best....
If everyday I disciplined my mind and body to pursue this training.
To push when I wanted to give up.
To show up when I wanted to stay home.
To add that extra 5 lbs on the bar, full range of motion on a squat, full height on wall balls, that extra rep, that extra pull.
one day after another.

It's amazing what happens when you take a chance on desire. over. and over. and over. again.
The WHO you can find is pretty amazing. I catch a glimpse every now and then of what is happening while I've had my head down the hole of sticking to the program of my training.

I've become
That girl who hopes.
That girl who believes.
That girl who doesn't fear failure.
That girl who doesn't settle for excuses.
That girl who doesn't settle for the easy way out.
That girl who doesn't quit.
That girl who lives.
That girl who risks.
That girl who shrugs her shoulders at the odds not in her favor.

I'm still me. I'm just more powerful, walking a little more fully in God's glory,  a lot more real... and over a 1000 steps closer to who I was created to be.  and wow. It's a cool view to take in.
Just for a moment.
Drawing encouragement.

Before returning to being that girl. just doing what is hers to do. today.

Training Power

I LOVE THIS!

It has been getting me through my training sessions every day...

my mental fuel to dig deeper and deeper with every lift, every metcon, every challenge.

Tough and Dusty

Ok, so it is a "Tough Mudder" I'm reporting on.


I did my first Tough Mudder!!
It was tough. And a little muddy. But mostly dusty (seriously, breathing in all sorts of dust and at times not even being able to see 5ft in front of me for the stampede of people through the dirt), AND a Heck a lot of steepness to climb and descend.

one of the many motivational signs along the way...

The course was at Snow Valley near Big Bear, CA. 

It was 10.5 miles-ish. Ranging from 6000-8000ft.

with about 13 obstacles, while in between them

we traversed up and down ski runs, sans snow.

It could have been much worse. Can't it ALWAYS be worse?

But I think was more than satisfied with the toughness of the day.

Will I do another?  Umm... not sure about that yet.

BUT. It is so cool to have been done.

There are some things about this challenge (it's not a race, they say) that are different to me.
1) It lasted forever.
2) It was a team effort, which is part of why it lasted forever.
3) It may have been the biggest, longest challenge in one stretch that I have ever faced.


By forever, I mean 4 hours. 
If I had done this on my own I think it would have taken about 2.5ish.
The super spartan had nothing on this course.  It was a very different experience, though for appearances I would think it should be very similar.
Actually the guys that brought our team together had done a tough mudder in February, at the same location I had done the Super Spartan last year -Vale Lake near Temecula.  I asked them how this one compared to their last.  They responded that in terms of difficulty, "If this is a 10, then February's was a 5".  Well that makes us all pretty bad@ss don't you think?


Secondly, team effort.  I have never really run a race as a team, but again "it wasn't a race, but a challenge." 
Years ago, I was always behind the group in our 5K runs. We all just went at our own pace and regrouped at the end. In the last few years, I've generally been ahead of my comrades.  I've felt a little guilty about this. Like a Jerk really. Guilty about leaving them behind.  But then I never felt guilty or resented my friends when I was the one left behind.  So maybe I need to just lighten up on myself.  We all owe it to ourselves to be our best.  Not to hold back from what we can accomplish for fear of making others feel bad.

(And this is when I get all introspective)

But then where is Christian charity and compassion in that? 
I suppose there is a time and a place, and a competition is not the place?
But then, I feel like I am competing everyday, and in that,
I fear I am becoming self centered.
But I also feel I do owe it to myself, and to others who would be inspired, to TRY to be my best.  After all isn't the glory of God man fully alive?  Isn't holiness being the best version of ourselves - journeying with Him to discover what that is?

Somehow, there must be a marriage of these two callings.  Being free to drive and strive and shine, and being free to serve and humble oneself, sacrificing my own desires for others.
I just don't know how that is to be. yet.

So a team effort this was, at least in the sense that we left no man behind.  We regrouped at every obstacle and water station.  Since of course I felt I needed to prove I could hang with the toughest of the boys and to prove somehow to my coach that this was a worthy challenge, I stayed pretty near the front of the group, and just got more rest while we waited to regroup.  Other than this, the boys helped me over the walls, and we rallied and encouraged each other, and we finished together. 
This was different for me.  It was a little weird too, since I had just met 12 of my 13 teammates that morning. Still it's cool to be a part of a whole. And it must be good for me to lay aside my drive to just go go go on my own - 
To try to be a little more cooperative and play well with others :)

The truth is in all things I need to know I have a crew of support behind me, to lean on, to pray for me, to believe in me, and to catch me when I fall.  And I love being that for others.  But in our own ways, in our own battles, generally we're not side by side but the support is no less real. 
In all this long journey of life, I still don't really know how to be with people and be true to myself at the same time. What's the trick? 

I think I'm learning, and yet, I clearly still have some lies in my head that need to be knocked out.

Final observation: biggest longest challenge yet... hmm... well I've hiked mountains before, for longer distances, and greater heights.  I've also walked 500miles across a whole country before. But all of those seemed to be at a much more casual pace with more reflection along the way, more of a retreat than a challenge, so it's different I suppose.

With every adventure I'm growing more comfortable with being uncomfortable.  More resilient to muscle fatigue. And I have more experience of victory to combat my belief system from youth that says "I'm not an athlete, I don't win anything, I just blend into mediocrity."  I've said this many times and probably will have to repeat it many more, but it's about time I started believing in myself.

All in all, this was another step to challenge my will, and to do it in solidarity with thousands around me.
Pretty cool stuff.
OH, and I came down full blown strep throat within 3 days of this adventure... so Hey, either the germs were already building within as I conquered this challenge, or I picked them up along the way.  ewwww.

Oh so many more thoughts and insights to the experience but these are the biggest musings in the last few days. What adventures are you having these days?

Weekend Adventures - Half Dome

My First trip to Yosemite is accomplished....   

The purpose of our weekend adventure was to hike to the top of Half Dome.
It's gorgeous right?!

This is on Mist Trail, the first big part of our climb.
 It was stunning, a wet and mossy climb along the side of Vernal Fall.
 I felt like we were in the Misty Mountains on a Hobbit adventure. 

Everywhere there is water on the trail to Half Dome there is a reminder about how dangerous it is and please stay out of the water.... Gorgeous though right?! It would be fun to get a little pad and go sledding down this water. 

My Super Friends descending the cables.  So proud of them.
This was THE funnest!!

That reddish dot with limbs is me on the high dive.  You might think I was the champion of the world except the kid in white t-shirt spoiling the effect and bring us back to reality.
I was one of 400 people hanging out on the top of this mountain that day. 

These are my peops. My warriors. My comrades in life and on mountains.
God is so good to us. 

and look a waterfall. They are all over the park. It's amazing and I think everyone should be able to experience this once in their lives.  The grandeur, the magnitude, the stunning beauty of it all is good for the soul.
Just a glimpse of eternity. 

Mid year Crossfit Goals 2012

If I was fairly conservative in my goals at the outset of 2012, I am being much more bold here.
At least I feel like I am, at this moment.
The year started with hope and a fire and a promise, and by mid year...
Well, I'm in a funk. We can say that.  I can sort of see some of the reasons, but haven't quite figured out the resolution yet.

The short term solution is just to kick any discontent or confusion in the face and plow ahead just sticking to the program coach has given me... perhaps that will be another post.

Any way, so here are my bold goals! I'm owning them.  They are mine.  I will do all that I can to chip away at the space between me and their accomplishment over the next 6 months.

Mid Year 2012 Crossfit Goals: 
This is where I'd hope to be by the end of the year. 

400m run 1:10

Max pull ups 35

Get Rhythm of Butterfly kipping
Max ringdips 20

Max L sit 60 sec (gah! I'm only 3 sec short!)

Complete Mini Amanda: 7-5-3 Muscle Ups, 95# Squat Snatches

Clean & Jerk 165#

Snatch 135#  

Back Squat 250#

Deadlift 300#

Press 105#

1 Mile run sub 7:01

21 kipping Hand Stand Pushups
5 strict Hand stand pushups

3 consecutive muscle ups
2 strict chest to bar pull ups (palms forward)

The Slow and Steady

There are the parents. It's in my blood.

I feel certain that true progress comes not by setting the power to 100% and plowing through life (though there are moments for that).

Rather it is the slow and steady.  The consistent perseverance moving with the rise and fall of the tides and waves. Sailing. Setting a course. Tweaking and adjusting the sails as necessary.  Tacking and Jibing along the way.

It's just life. It must be lived. Lived deeply.  Lived patiently. Some might call this boring.  But I see through it - it's beautiful.

My training has taken a turn since regionals.  Despite some definite opposition from within, my heart and my body are surrendering to the rythym, the routine, the quiet of the slow and steady.

I know what I need to do. Stick with the program, Week in week out.
Moving stronger and stronger in areas of strength and Stepping back to fundamentals, relearning what I thought I knew, where my form is weak.  



It looks good. It is good,
but not good enough for what I can be.



Specifically.

The squat.  The Snatch.

I can back squat 235. Overhead squat 145, or more by now.  But put me in a squat snatch and it's deplorable. I could barely catch 80# the other day, while I've splitted 125#.

I'm better than that.

I have so much more capacity than what I've accomplished.

So how do I unlock that?  How do I develop it?
Go back to the beginning.
Friends, after 3 yrs of crossfit, I'm humbly relearning my squat.
I'm training my body to hold a better position. I'm spending a lot of time jumping and landing and hanging out with a PVC pipe.
Fix my position, drop weight, and rebuild.
Set my course.
Sometimes you have to step back to step forward.
Never quit.

I have often become very upset at times I was not at the top of my training: I was not clearly lifting heavier than the time before, Running faster, doing more sets unbroken, or just beating what ever competition I had that day.  In these moments I would become particularly vulnerable to the voices that suggested I let up or let go. I felt bombarded with "I can't" or "I'm not made for this."
"I'm not good enough."
"I don't have the genes."

Now I realize those times, those voices, those people, have nothing to do with me and what I am capable of accomplishing. They are only acknowledging it is HARD, and trying to offer me a respite.
But only I can say, this is worth it to me.
It doesn't matter where I fall in the end.  This fight is worth it to me.

The training of my body, the training of my mind, I have found are essential to my spiritual life - essential to becoming the best version of myself.  Of who I was created to be. Of deepening the relationship with the one I was created for.  And so it reminds me of this quote:

"Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried". G. K. Chesterton

Live, Love, Perservere.  Difficult is nothing to fear.
Stay the course. Slow and steady as necessary.

I'll let you know how it goes:)

Crossfit goals 2012: Mid Year Progress Report

In another month, I think I'll need to make a new list!

5 Months into my 2012 Crossfit Goals: 

Shoulder Press 100# 
Deadlift 265#

Back Squat 235# 
Squat Clean 160#, but if I can power clean it, I'll take that too!
Jerk 155# (10 more #)

Snatch 115# (5 more #) I got 125# !!

400m run 1:10

500m row 1:50
500m row 1:45

2 Handstand Pushups full ROM

1:20 Hanstand Hold (wall)

1 Muscle up on rings

4 Bar Muscle ups

25 hand release pushups (haven't tested)

Max pullups 35 (haven't tested)

Max ringdips 15
Max ringdips 20

Hanstand Walk 5 ft.
Handstand Walk 3 yds.
Max L sit 45 sec
Max L sit 60 sec (gah! I'm only 3 sec short!)
Top 60 in SoCal for the Crossfit Open

Through Another's Eyes

Sometimes, it's nice to let someone else tell the story from their point of view.  Here's the play by play on my 2012 regional competition as written by the president of my informal fan club - Miss Jackson Reedy~~~~

"I was given the bird, reprimanded in Church, and learned the importance of men in tights …… that’s right folks….. The SoCal Regional 2012 arrived!

Ahhh California….

First of all, to all of the CrossFitting men who choose to wear tights, I would just like to say thank you! Thank you thank you thank you for accentuating all your hard work! I needed some Icy Hot rubbed on my whiplashed neck from rapid the head turning! Also, thank you for bringing to light the fact that I really need more spiritual direction and the sacraments more frequently. But really, is it sinful to admire the male form in tights? A discussion for another blog post I’m afraid! The second thing that I am grateful for is unlimited coconut water…. Due to the fact that I was the official coach of athlete #221, I received a magical pass that gained me all access to the athlete’s tent! The only think I like more than coconut water, is free coconut water, and I was making it my personal mission to drink VitaCoco into bankruptcy.

Workout 1: “Diane” Don’t be fooled Diane is a bitch! 21-15-9 of HSPU’s and Deadlifts (155lbs) Going into the competition, I think this was the one workout that Kathy was hoping not to see… but our Lord has a way of making her stronger, and He did! She performed fantastic; finishing more rep’s then in any of her previous attempts! I also learned a valuable lesson, cheer silently for Kathy while she attempts HSPU’s otherwise….

But what I loved most about this picture is the passion! Look at that ‘bird’! The form is perfect!!! She got her point across, I shut my mouth J

Workout 2: For time: Row 2000 meters, 50 one-legged squats, 30 hang cleans (135lbs) Kathy did awesome! This workout was definitely right in the comfort zone! Her rowing pace was unreal! Those super legs really come in handy in events like this! By the end of the row there were only two women in the hunt, Kathy Carey and Katie Hogan! Honestly it was so unreal watching the two of them fight it out. I was so freaking happy! It was one of the moments that I will never forget. The evil one had been jacking with Kathy telling lies that she was not an elite athlete and BEHOLD, there she was battling with one of the top 5 crossfitters in SoCal, and probably the second most popular woman in the sport! She is elite, she has been for some time, and there she was displaying it for all to witness. It was so amazing to watch Christ’s truth unfold right in front of me in the form of a sweaty, chalked up friend of mine.

Workout 3: The Gut Check! 4 rounds of 10 dumbbell snatches (70 lbs), and sprints. Just to emphasize the magnitude of this… the dumbbell was ½ Kathy’s body weight. She had to repeatedly take it from the ground to full extension overhead in one motion with one hand. Superhero stuff! Workout 3 was defiantly a brutal test that showed a whole lot about her beautiful character. Kathy has the heart of a lion (insert thoughts of Aslan here). When the workout began it was clear that she was struggling with taped up hands and the fear of not being able to lift the weight. I could literally feel the anger and anxiety pouring out of her. It was the most helpless feeling knowing that the only thing I could do was tear up and literally plea with St. Michael to help her lift. Then in a move that takes some serious balls, she completely stopped! She ran over to her coach (the real one, not the one after free coconut water) had him tear that restrictive tape off, she reset, and started ripping that weight overhead! It was so beautiful seeing her drive to finish, and her determination to not let the workout define her. It was such a moment of growth for not only her, but also for those watching. When things are not going your way, when you're getting your @ss handed to you, sometimes the best thing you can do is just calm yourself, strip life down, reset, and start again stronger than when you first began.  Kathy powered through! She may tell you differently, but don’t listen to her she did a great job! Honestly, I would venture to say that was the most defining moment in her CrossFit career. Afterward, it was muscle ache, most of which came from the heart, but Jesus is like the great ice bath, sit in Him for a few minutes and He will make all things new. Her muscles became refreshed and it was onto work out 4.

Workout 4: Lift a lot of heavy crap, squat it, perform a bunch of pull-ups and repeat. If ever in life there was a perfect workout for Kathy, this may have been it….sadly I missed half of it! That’s right! The president of the Calves Carey Fan Club was walking around looking at men in tights while Kathy was competing. How could this happen? There was a mix up in information. Kathy was told she was going to be in heat 2 which started at 4:30…. In reality she was in heat 3 which started at 3:50! This also came as a great surprise to her. She had no time to warm up, no time to think, no time to second guess… only time to run out there and put on one of the greatest athletic performances to date! I was in the restroom ‘giving back’ some coconut water when I heard on the intercom “Kathy Carey is in the lead with 30 pull-ups”… After staring blankly at the stall trying to decipher if I heard that correctly, I ran as fast as I could to witness this for myself. Sure enough, there she was dominating her competition!!! I’m not trying to brag, but I will, she was killing everyone else!!! Killing them!!! I could not even speak, I could only scream at the top of my lungs in joy! All you heard from the announcers were “can anyone catch Kathy?” “Crossfit 760’s Kathy Carey is in the lead” It was bananas! In the course of only a few hours I witnessed Kathy go from heartbreak to triumph, I am just so thankful I was there to witness it. She had the top time through the first 2 heats and ended up finishing 10^th overall! Kathy “Calves” Carey is an elite athlete!

After the “killer calves’ workout, it was only proper that we go to Mass to thank Him for all of His blessings. We joined this cute little community for mass and it was there that Kathy got us in trouble! This was an all Spanish mass and seeing as how the words "margarita", "taco" and "Nuevo Mexico" were not in the liturgy, I was in lala land dreaming up impossible scenarios that were never going to happen. Kathy on the other hand took the initiative to learn the message of the gospel and borrowed my phone for use of the Magnificat. Right about the time I was figuring out an escape route for evading snipers there was a tap on Kathy’s shoulder from an usher telling her to put the phone away immediately! She tried showing him what she was reading, but he could care less! “NO PHONES IN CHURCH!!” Busted! Poor Calves, she got in trouble for reading the gospel in Mass. But, praise God for holy and reverent communities!

Workout 5: Snatch ladder and double-unders. As a fan of the sport and only a spectator, this workout was kind of bland to me. I think looking back it was the waiting that killed me. All of the women filed in one by one to begin this workout. I was so nervous that it felt like 200 people began before the person that I cared to see. In the individual category all of the women pretty much went out at the same marks, which was pretty expected I think. Kathy ended up snatching 105 and finished that workout in 24^th place. The most beautiful part of this workout was an event that happened following its completion. Kathy noticed that they scored her incorrectly; they made a mistake and gave her credit for a lift that she did not complete. Only wanting to do what glorifies God, she went to the scoring table and gave them truth. Kathy’s honesty was the difference between some women making the final cut or packing their things and going home. In a perfect world everyone would do the right thing, but lets just face it, many times that’s not what happens. Never a missed opportunity to lead Crossfitters closer to Christ.  

The 2012 SoCal regionals was an experience that I will never forget. I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I express how happy and proud I am of you, Kathy. I look forward to sharing in the journey to the 2013 SoCal regionals. I have so much confidence in your ability and I know that God has huge blessings in store for you. Thank you for inspiring me to be better, not only in fitness but also in life. However, I do have a word of warning, you inspired me try and beat you so just know that I am coming! I love you!

2012 SoCal Regionals… That’s a wrap!"

To my dear friend, Thank you so much for believing in me! The journey is just beginning, still! but I could not have even embarked upon it with out so many voices of encouragement to fight for me through the times I didn't have faith in myself.

Road to Regionals 2

Here we go - qualifying for the

Crossfit Southern California Regional Competition -

This is my next and biggest (so far) challenge :

Standards and Details Here...



Upon seeing this last week I went from:

1) steeled and braced - stoic to accept the challenge to

2) TEARS and anxiety to

3) amped up excitement and gratitude

There are less than 3 weeks to prepare. I am very grateful, because several regions only had 9 days before heading to their competition once these bad boy wod's were released.

I think a lot of what I had to say about the road to regionals last year is still applicable... twice daily contrast showers, and yes there is ice, and compression, and lots of arnica and tiger balm, etc.
I've added some supplements for better recovery and more regular massage and soft tissue work, as well as using the digi massager while desking it for the day job :)
But the stress is less.  I was losing my mind last year.
Also, this isn't so new to me any more. I've pretty much fully embraced it now that this is what I am.
I wear the gear. I live the nutritional and sleep and training lifestyle. I'm happier and more alive than maybe I've ever been.

So part of the relative ease is just the experience and rythym, and part of it is flying solo this year - going individual I don't have the same pressure and fear of disappointing the team. Yet, we are still making the journey somewhat together. I am so grateful for each of them and how much they teach and support me.  
Choosing to compete as an indvidual and seeing those workouts was terrifying, but it has helped me take away my crutches.  I can't work around my weaknesses; I have to attack each of them.  No matter how it goes, I know I will be a better, more well rounded athlete because of this opportunity.

This year I am excited. Thrilled.  This is a great opportunity and I'm stoked for it.
Sure, the chances of seeing me on the podium are slim to none, but I made the first cut didn't I?

You know what esle? I don't even mind the body pain, anticipation and exhaustion at this point.
Part of that has got to be that my prep time is significantly shorter having our regional competition earlier than last year, but the other part, I think, is that I know it's worth it.
There is a goal in sight.
It's not forever.
In fact it will be over too fast.
So I want to soak in every step of the journey. Embrace it. Love it.

Better every day than the day before. 
It's an exciting adventure that I feel I was born to make. That's a fun thing.

Now come on, body, stay strong and injury free!
Thanks to all my intercessors out there :)

Birthday 2012

I just celebrated my birthday (last month! I know I'm late on this post...)

Generally I get pretty depressed, despite my best intentions to be positive, around my birthday.  I feel awkward. I want to be celebrated, but I don't want to be the one to celebrate myself, and I don't know how to bring the people in my life together... It's overwhelming, and then there's the whole "Another year and I'm STILL single?" lamentation.

This year is different. This year I have been celebrating my life, just as it is, more and more everyday.

And my birthday was just a great big excuse to share that celebration with who ever would join me.

I am so blessed with so many beautiful people....  the weekend before, I had my makeup done by the lovely Jenna, and did a photoshoot with my awesome friend and teammate Natalie.  The photoshoot was a gift from a beautiful friend and talented photographer, Denise. (look how she made me look lovely to help me not feel old!)

  Afterwards a crew of us celebrated the end of the Crossfit Open with Sushi and a movie. 

All week I spread the word that on my birthday  (which actually fell on a Saturday) there would be DANCING!.

I am so grateful that so many came out to celebrate with me.  We had close to 20 at dinner and as many that carried over, or joined there, for the break down of 2012.  People brought me gifts! That still suprises me, I sort of think of presents for your birthday being a childhood thing for some reason, but I loved it!!

My crossfit buddies know exactly what I need :) water bottles, funky lifting socks, compression socks, sweet cooking utensils, flowers, sports bras and even pretty jewelry, as all we girls do.  I was beyond grateful!